C. Brian Smith — a gay cultural reporter who has long delved into sexual topics like sex doll brothels, penis health cream (it’s a thing) and having his anus molded into a chocolate candy — recently discovered that straight men are joining Grindr and putting things like “No Men” and “No Guys” on their profiles in hopes of meeting transgender women.
One straight Grindr user named Jeremy told Smith that he has had more luck finding trans women to date on Grindr than on Tinder. In Jeremy’s first week on Grindr, he got over 100 messages in his first week: 95 were from gay men, four were crossdressers and two were from trans women. Since joining Grindr, he has had two hook ups with different trans women.
“I have zero attraction to men,” Jeremy says.
Smith writes:
How about we take this to the next level?
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The growing trend of Jeremy and others posting “no men” on Grindr is understandably frustrating for some gay men who tell me they feel sidelined in a space originally designed for them. It’s especially prevalent in Washington, D.C., where a college friend tells me it’s “surreal” to go to a gay friendly space and see people explicitly ruling out gay sex.
“To read ‘no homos’ or ‘no men’ on a gay male app is troubling,” he says. “To have trans women hitting on me — when it’s clear I’m not into women — is openly homophobic. This is one consequence of the trans revolution: Gay male spaces and lesbian female spaces are being erased.”
This claim that “Gay male spaces and lesbian female spaces are being erased” by trans people is troubling because it’s the exact same claim being used by Republicans and trans-exclusionary radical feminists to justify shutting trans people out of locker rooms, public bathrooms, domestic violence shelters and athletics. But we digress…
Related: Grindr just won a major lawsuit that could’ve fundamentally changed the internet
Smith got a variety of gay men’s opinions on Reddit. Some welcome the sexual diversity on a queer app whereas other consider straight guys who are into trans women as “deep in the closet.”
But while dating apps specifically for trans women might seem like an ideal solution, they aren’t really as they’re not nearly as popular (or widely used) as well-established apps like Grindr. They can also attract fetishists rather than people who’ll treat trans women like actual human beings with personalities and feelings.
It’s trans-misogynists to consider heterosexual trans-attracted men as “secretly gay” — sexuality doesn’t fit neatly into little boxes. And for trans women who have faced transphobia and violence in both gay and straight dating spaces, having a straight man indicate his specific desire for you is a welcome change from the usual game of “Guess who’s secretly transphobic?” on the apps.
Evji108
If you like dick you’re not “ zero gay”
mr guy
Misleading headline…pandering to the self-delusions of “straight” men
Shadowcat2576
I’ve heard of transgender women on Grindr and I just don’t understand it. If you are a woman, what are you doing on an app specifically for men looking for other men? I get that Tinder has issues and a lot of transgender women get their profiles unfairly removed, but this can’t be the best alternative. I will disagree with the idea that men that are attracted to transgender women are “secretly gay”. I had plenty of sex with gay men before my transition, not a single one of those same men were sexually interested in me once I transitioned, even if my body was mostly the same, and definitely not now that I’m post-op. I
domen8r
Those men using Grndr for such connections should try “Straight for Gay” on DoubleList. Not a huge fan of the labels, but a lot of CD/trans and their admirers seem to post there. And it wouldn’t require the “no men” hoop to be jumped through, either. Its a lot more empowering to state what you seek than what you xxxclude, but the men-centric nature of Grndr makes such seekers get overly specific.
Rock-N-RollHS
Trans folks should have their own apps.
On side note: The New Gayz–that great umbrella of self deluded queerness and gender proliferation–are great at pointing out all transphobia in the gay male community but fail to face the homophobia among trans lovers and many trans themselves.
aaronitron
This article seems extremely misleading from the original. The few quotes that the author pulled appear to appeal to a specific point of view instead of providing a more holistic representation of the conversation Smith was looking to open. My advice is skip this attempt at journalism and go right to the source – it’s longer but much better.
radiooutmike
I have no issue with transgender women being on Grindr. I have a big issue with straight guys coming on app and saying, “no homo”. Aren’t you supposed to have better manner at a guest’s house than your own?
aaronitron
The writer of this article also conveniently did not mention that some of the straight men using Grindr use blatantly homophobic language on their profiles, such as “no homo.” Coming into a gay space and using language like that is not acceptable.
Paco
I guess it is just them stating their “preference” in an obnoxious way. Not any different than the other obnoxiously worded exclusionary profiles.
UlfRaynor
The author of this hit piece clearly only wanted to use this platform to condemn gay men as misogynistic if they don’t find trans women to be viable sexual partners due to their sexual orientation and preferences.
Grindr is an app for gay men to hook up with other men for sex, there are apps for women and transwomen to hook up with or meet men.
Not sexually desiring women isn’t misogynistic it’s sexual preference and to imply otherwise is purely anti-gay and homophobic.
Sexuality isn’t as complex as you make it sound your merely using it as cover for your own bigotry.
djmcgamester
Everything is overly-complicated these days, like trying to figure out which of 7000 gender pronouns a person might use – apparently we’re meant to ask every single person we meet.
Sexuality is, as you say, pretty easy. For me, you need to look like a man and have all man parts. Otherwise I’m just not that interested, because I’m gay. If you like female-presenting individuals with man parts you’re not straight. Not necessarily gay but definitely not straight. A straight guy would ask his girlfriend/wife to use a strap-on rather than seek out an actual penis.
“No homo” is a shitty thing to say. It could easily be “looking for trans women”. Same thing but without being a d!ck about it.
Heywood Jablowme
Good comment. Which is worse?:
a) seeing a few straight guys going after trans women, at times crudely and wolfishly (eek), or
b) having the woke crowd “condemn gay men as misogynistic if they don’t find trans women to be viable sexual partners.” (Uck.)
Obviously (b) is worse!
dshareef222
What Paco said.
I hope those who are claiming they feel marginalized aren’t the same ones putting all their exclusionary preferences in their profiles as well.
Note to anyone and everyone, stick to descriptions of yourself in your profile and turn people down as they message you if you’re not interested.