Two men dance on their wedding day
Posed by models (Photo: Shutterstock)

A question on Reddit has prompted a large and wide response from gay guys. 

Writing in the AskGayBrosOver30 subreddit, a man said, “Today is our 13th wedding day celebration. I don’t consider it our anniversary because we were together 6 years before we went out of state to get married. What do you consider your anniversary date: when you met, moved in together, or some type of commitment ceremony?”

The question touches upon issues particular to gay couples. For many older gay couples, marriage was not a possibility. This might be a reason why some responders placed less importance on wedding anniversaries than on the date they met. 

Others said they’d even planned their marriage ceremony around the same date to highlight its significance. 

“We even timed our wedding around the day we met so we could amplify the celebration and not have multiple dates to remember,” said another man. 

Others revealed that they met their significant others on or around other well-known dates, which makes remembering them easier. 

“We met on the day after Thanksgiving so there’s a toss-up whether we use the actual date in the year we met or the current year’s day after.”

Others indicated they’d been through more than one legal ceremony with the same person, and so they still preferred to just mark the day they met. 

“After civil unions, domestic partners and actual marriage we just agreed the day we met was the easiest. We haven’t been apart since then anyway,” said one man.

Together for decades, married for years

“We started dating on December 2nd and got married on July 2nd. But the engagement period was 19 years long (we married right after Obergefell), so we consider our first date our ‘real’ anniversary,” said a man in his 50s. 

We can see where he’s coming from. It feels a little trivializing toward a relationship to celebrate a marriage of, for example, seven years if you’ve actually been together for decades as a committed couple. 

Others marked their anniversary as when they decided to be “exclusive.”

“We kinda have three [anniversaries]: Wedding eight years ago, our first date (happened to be on a friend’s birthday) and then the day about a month later we had a conversation about being in an exclusive relationship both about 16 years ago.”

Then there’s the L-word was first mentioned.

“The day that I told him I loved him,” was another answer. “It was easy to pinpoint because it was after a dinner party I threw for a friend’s birthday so it was right there on the calendar. It’s been over 14 years.”

Multiple dates

A man in his late 60s, like many others, said he and his husband marked more than one date.

“The first time we f*cked happened to be Valentine’s Day, so that was a convenient anniversary to celebrate. Twenty-eight years later, same-sex marriage was legalized in our state (eight months before the Obergefell vs Hodges decision.) We got the marriage license a week later, and tied the knot two weeks after that, in the Las Vegas Office of Civil Marriage, where the quickie marriages happen. There were pictures on the wall of Frank Sinatra marrying Mia Farrow, Sammy Davis Jr. marrying his wife, and a few other fun celebrity couples. We’re coming up on ten years legally married, 38-and-a-half years shacking up together. So we celebrate both.”

Another said, “We have two dates. One is for the gushy romantic ‘I’m yours forever’ that occurred before marriage was legal. The second date is when we were legally married. This October is our 13th anniversary as well. We flew to NYC to be married because we didn’t think it would ever become legal in Oklahoma. Our closest friends know both dates and we celebrate both.”

“We celebrate two anniversaries,” added another lucky husband. “When my husband gave me a ring there was no national marriage equality in the States. He gave me a ring and we dubbed ourselves married and that was that.

“Nearly a decade later, with nationwide marriage equality, we made it officially official and got a marriage license.

“Also, it’s rather convenient as we have a ‘Winter Anniversary’ and a ‘Summer Anniversary.’”

For some people, when it comes to celebrating their love, the more anniversaries the better!

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