For a certain flavor of gay men, a trip to Fire Island is anything but casual… unless it says so in the itinerary!

A person named “Alex Mirov” recently shared a printed, detailed outfit rundown he found in the closet of his Pines rental. It appears that one of the previous occupants planned every ensemble he would wear during his weekend stay, right down to his (no show) socks for tea dance.

“The previous people in our FIP house left this in the closet fjfjwhjfksks,” he posted.

Naturally, the document sparked debate about the author’s intentions. Is this man really toxic, or just really organized?

The first lines that jump out are declarations about “chill” beach and pool days, followed by instructions to wear specific accessories such as “silver aviators” and a “black bracelet.” Our Type-A King leaves nothing to chance!

“We love a planner!,” someone replied.

“Most basic gay that ever gayed on fire island,” somebody else countered.

Indeed, the pre-planned outfits–neon green tank top, rugby penny, red speedo–indicate the reveler in question is trying to embody a certain, basic gay aesthetic. It’s easy to imagine him and his friends posing for a group pic in front of the famed rainbow wall, with an accompanying caption about how the “gworls are gworling” or how FIP “ain’t ready” for… another group of DC gays in their mid-30s. (We can assure you, it is!)

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But in defense of the anal gay… what’s wrong with being prepared?! Fire Island is a storied oasis with a treasured history of gay carousal and hedonism. Can you imagine being caught in Oscar Wilde’s stomping grounds wearing the wrong socks at the underwear party?

The horror!

Gay summer getaways often require multiple outfits per day. There’s beachwear, tea dance lewks, dinner attire and nightclub shorts and tanks… which will likely be discarded after five minutes. Even more confusingly, every look is similar. Daytime speedos turn into nighttime 3-inch inseams, and vice versa. Little details matter!

Just ask Adam Rippon. The Olympic icon recently revealed on Instagram what he packs on for a trip and it’s… a lot. He even brings his own pasta bowl and cutlery! (No word on whether the infamous Fire Island chicken tenders thief brought his own silverware..)

With the sweet taste of alcoholic punch and pungent smell of musk swirling in our gay little heads, it’s easy to be overwhelmed before a beach getaway. A clothing list eliminates stress and cuts down waste… if we’re not counting “spare outfits” or various pairs of white Converse sneakers.

Seriously, this list has everything: red guard fanny packs, dynamic pattern Penguin shorts, a travel outfit for the ferry ride home. Fun surely must follow…

Right???

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