Grindr and Tinder on a phone screen
(Photo: Shutterstock)

A Grindr user has prompted hundreds of comments online after posting a message they received after a hookup. 

The message did not come through Grindr but via a text message. And it wasn’t from the hookup… but from his wife. 

The spouse wanted to know why their husband had met up with someone via Grindr and what took place. 

“Hi. I’m X’s wife. You met him on Grindr and he met up with you in person before at the river. I don’t mean to cause you any trouble but can I ask you a question?”

“That day that you met up with him at the river, did anything sexual happen between you and him? Like what I said I’m not really here to cause you any trouble, I’m just a wife trying to get answers and the truth. I hope you can help me find out the truth.”

The poster, @Puzzleheaded_Unit_26, is a transwoman based in Sacramento, California who uses they/them pronouns. They asked Redditors for advice. What would they do if they received such a text?

“Tell her”

Opinion was divided although most thought it best to be honest. The most liked comment was “I’d tell them. F*ck cheaters.”

Others agreed.

“Tell her, notify her you’re blocking both of their numbers out of safety, and go about your life.”

“Tell her the truth, and also tell her you’re blocking their numbers for your own safety,” echoed another. “Take screenshots, document everything, have evidence ready to give to cops in case you need to file restraining orders in the future. F*ck cheaters, and that guy in particular.”

Others said this could invite unwanted drama into the poster’s life. They said revealing all to the wife, “Is the moral answer but dangerous because of drama.”

Others suggested that the poster put themselves in the wife’s position.

“Who cares about the drama, put yourself in her shoes dude.”

Others said the dilemma highlighted the reason why it’s potentially a bad idea to sleep with married men. The original poster clarified that they did not know the guy was wed until afterward. 

“I didn’t know he was married until after all was done. This is the second time another woman has texted me about her man who turned out to be a transphobic man on the outside (I’m a transwoman) and this is just plain heartbreaking.”

What happened?

In the end, the poster did decide to be honest with the wife. 

“I did end up telling her all that went down. From what I understand, this man is repressed sexually for 14 years – he only really gets off with transwomen and femboys and his wife doesn’t fulfill him sexually. I don’t know how they will deal with that.”

“He lied to her saying that I was the ‘aggressive one’ and that he pushed me out of the car on the way to the river and that nothing had happened – so I told her everything. No one gets to f*ck me, cheat on someone else with me and then bash about me to the person you were cheating on – men often play their women against each other. I’m not afraid of my actions, I’m out and open and proud, finally and someone else’s sexual trauma shouldn’t stop me from having my fun LOL.”

In a message to Queerty, they alleged, “I find out that the husband has been a serial cheater with many transwomen, not just me, and usually when drunk (he’s an alcoholic), he goes on the app and basically looks for hookups. It’s not his first time certainly as well. The wife mentioned she has been accepting of his sexuality but never consented to open up the relationship and doesn’t want to.”

Related*

Help make sure LGBTQ+ stories are being told...

We can't rely on mainstream media to tell our stories. That's why we don't lock Queerty articles behind a paywall. Will you support our mission with a contribution today?

Once Monthly Annually

Cancel anytime · Proudly LGBTQ+ owned and operated