A man recently became engaged to his boyfriend, but he isn’t sure how to handle his 92-year-old grandmother at their wedding, so he’s seeking advice from columnist Ask Amy.
“My boyfriend and I (we’re gay) recently decided to get married,” the letter begins, “but my fiance and various family members are suggesting that we exclude my 92-year-old grandmother from the wedding.”
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And it’s not because she’s a crazy Christian extremist who believes all homosexuals are damned to hell, or even an old-fashioned traditionalist who just can’t seem to wrap her head around the idea of two guys getting married.
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It turns out grandma is a little crass, and people just aren’t sure they want her shouting obscenities whilst lighting up a cigarette inside the church.
“My grandmother regularly shocks people,” the man explains. “She says offensive and hurtful comments to everyone to elicit a reaction, regardless of the setting or situation. She loves to call people “fat” or “dumb,” uses female pronouns for my fiance and me, and (our favorite) — lights cigarettes indoors or in restaurants.”
According to the man, his grandmother was a soap opera actress in the 1950s and 60s, and she’s still “with it,” despite her advanced age.
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“My mother asked that we invite her,” the man continues. “I called my grandmother and told her that I want to invite her to the wedding, but that I’m worried about her upsetting other guests. She laughed, and told me, ‘That’s just who I am, can’t change now,’ and made it clear that she expects to be invited.”
Sounds like a sticky situation.
In her response, Amy encourages the man not to be too distraught over his “blow-hard granny.”
“If you definitely don’t want her there, then don’t invite her (her insults toward you and your fiance are reason enough to exclude her),” she writes, “but if including her is important to your mother, then you should consider it.”
She continues, “You might be able to marginalize Granny enough that you can reduce her from being the offensive center-of-attention, to the rude, eccentric elderly lady who keeps trying to smoke at the reception hall.”
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Ultimately, Amy says, “let her know that you actually do expect her to behave differently than usual while at your wedding. Don’t hand her a microphone during the speech-making. Ask a family member or caregiver to take her home if she becomes disruptive.”
What advice would you give this man? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
GeoffreyBridgman
Sounds like the grandmother’s cooler than the 2 gay guys
Hussain-TheCanadian
I don’t know about you all but that is one granny I’m inviting to my wedding.
The woman is 92, have your mom tell the guests “she’s senile” and smile.
JerseyMike
Grandma is 92.. Leave her ass at home.. show will not know the difference..
jacksjoo
Ban the Nasty Woman! She has had nearly a century of Heterosexual privilege, but those days are OVER! Why should your Gay Guests or Straight Guests be subjected to her Willful Nastyness? If your Mother cannot understand that you Wedding is YOUR DAY, sacred to you and your man, the gay community and well wishers, then perhaps she doesn’t belong there either.
Many members of the LGBTQ Community are quite fragile when attacked due to their histories of homophobic abuse’. Those attending your Wedding will assume it is a safe space, but with 94Nasty there, it is NOT a safe space for everyone, or a pleasant one for anyone!
Just because your Mother has spent her life indulging this nasty bitch’s cruelty to others doesn’t mean you should, or will. Give your New Husband the gift of putting HIS Feelings above the petty nastyness of a mean spirited relative at his own Wedding.
PS. Show your mother this comment.
paul dorian lord fredine
i’d offer her the invitation but with this caveat: as long as she behaves herself. the moment she decides to rip on ANYONE at the wedding, you’ll ask her to leave, granny or not. age is no excuse for being rude and insulting on what is your day. being old doesn’t give her carte blanche to be a snotty bitch toward you or the rest of your guests. it shouldn’t be up to you to spend the evening making excuses for her bad behavior.
Evji108
Great, then you will have a nasty scene on your hands as she is escorted out.
Paco
Sounds like a real life Thelma Harper. My kind of granny.
Captain Obvious
92 isn’t a good travel age for most anyway unless she took great care of herself(some do… most don’t).
Leave her ass at home. The elderly earned their right to be as nice or nasty as they want but that doesn’t mean they have the right to destroy your wedding.
gayand gray
Not to bring you down, but has anybody check with her Doctor to see if it is early onset Dementia or the beginning of Alzheimer’s ? My mother was in her 80’s, and if she saw someone overweight She would say , look at the fat person. You could tell her that was not nice, and she would respond “what did I say?” She was just like Sophia on Golden Girls, but it is not fun when you have to keep saying your sorry for what she said. Drugs helped he regain her common sense.
gjg64
Your granny is Sophia from Golden Girls???? Lucky you!
gayand gray
You did not say if she and your boyfriend got along. Sometimes what they say is not how they feel . She could be making a joke. I married into a very religious family, in fact my husband is an ex-preacher. They have never quoted any Bible verses to hurt me, or him. We have been together for 30+ years.
Bad Ass Biker
‘That’s just who I am, can’t change now’ . She obviously has no intention of moderating her behaviour, so dump the bitch, she will simply stir up trouble.
Juanjo
Just sit her next to me and we will dis all the thin skinned queens making comments here about how she shouldn’t be invited.
Texan78730
Draw a black Magic Marker across her name on the guest list.
The wedding belongs to these young men, and I stand with them on excluding the decaying battle-ax.
Eccentricities are one thing; obnoxious, insulting, crass, uncontrollable, behaviors, are never welcome anywhere.
natriley
Don’t let what other people embarrass you. People break rules sometimes they embarrass themselves, but it is equally likely that people will be thrilled I like it when people smoke indoors. I”m 74 I grew up with tobacco so the smell is nostalgic. Your granny is an iconoclast enjoy her impudence, other people do.
ShaugnR
This one is simple if mom wants grannie there put her in charge of her. If mom says no so do you.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
For a heritage themed wedding I would entreat you to consider a scold’s bridle
https://en.wikipeia.org/wiki/Scold's_bridle
dubstepskater94
I’d just give Granny a “special” drink before the ceremony…
* “special” meaning a little nappy time pill *
Of course she sounds pretty hilarious to me just as long as she don’t come 4 me because I will read her for filth (see how she likes it)!!!
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: oops bad link
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scold's_bridle
Charlie in Charge
No one deserves an invite if they can’t respect the fact that this is your special day and that their job is to be there to celebrate you, support you, and not %$#@ things up for you. I might let her know that based on her answer she is not invited and see if that changes her tune. The grooms are the ones with all the bargaining chips.
Neonegro
She would be quite entertaining and probably won’t remember anything the next day.
She is 92 for crying out loud…give her a break.
Captain Obvious
@gayand gray: Wow never thought about that before but that happened with my grandfather. He started doing exactly that before losing his memory bit by bit. It was so gradual I didn’t even notice up until he forgot who I was.
Minerva pomerantz
Tell her you are getting married at the reception hall with the reception to follow. Don’t invite her to the wedding. Campy crampy granny will be a hoot at the reception, but keep her away from the ceremony.
Chris
Film her and put it on YouTube. She’ll go viral is she’s as crass as I think she’ll be. And guess what, long after she’s gone, people will be telling stories about her.
alanballs
do not invite her.
DMRX
@gayand gray: At age 92,there’s no such thing as “early onset” anything. Hahaha
MaxTaste
What a dreadful woman. Leave her at the nursing home.
crowebobby
Nasty old people were nasty young people. They buttered their bread let them lie in it. Age is no excuse.
Kieran
This may sound cruel but have you considered using masking tape?
radiooutmike
Hmmm.
Well, if she’s ever been crass or non-supportive of him and his boyfriend, I’d say no. But she does expect to be invited, which is a good sign.
Frankly, I would not be worried. All weddings are boring if you’re not married couple. A 92 year old grandma keepin’ it real could be just what the doctor ordered!
Guy068
Each side in a wedding has their Embarrassing Relative. Hook Granny up with her counterpart and just enjoy. Whether they should or not, whens he dies soon there will be guilt if she was disinvited. Make her part of the entertainment instead…
Mark
Make her wear a little sign around her neck saying “I have Betty White of the mouth” and let her enjoy all the laffs she gets. Then make a business of renting her out to all the gay weddings that don’t have crazy grandmothers to make them fun.
Evji108
There’s not enough information here to make a solid judgement.
If she is Betty White /Auntie Mame outrageous, then by all means let her come, it will make the wedding more memorable.
If she is a nasty, cutting, wicked witch of the West outrageous then exclude her for sure.
You just don’t want someone at your wedding that will ruin the celebratory atmosphere and good feelings, and it is your right to control the guest list to ensure that this does not happen. You don’t have to tolerate an elderly person who uses their age as an excuse to get away with being vile, odious, discriminatory or homophobic.