Every year, as I create my team’s marketing calendar, I come across key dates that highlight underrepresented communities like Pride, Black History Month and Women’s History Month. This September, National Suicide Prevention Month resonates deeply for me, especially as we partner with The Trevor Project to support LGBTQ+ youth. Yet, one day stands out even more: National Coming Out Day.
As a nearly 40-year old Black, gay man, National Coming Out Day feels especially poignant and there’s a good reason why: I’ve never officially come out to my family about my sexuality.
Let’s be clear, I’m not in the closet. And I live a fairly transparent life that I assume lets my closest friends know what my sexual preference is.
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However, this wasn’t intentional. My friends found out because an ex threatened to tell my friends, and at the time I would rather them hear it from me. So I told them first.
It’s agonizing, to feel the weight of unspoken truths. For some, National Coming Out Day is a celebration—a chance to be seen for who they truly are. For others, like me, it’s a quiet reminder of the conversations that remain to be had.
I grew up in Lexington, Kentucky, a small town where going to church for praise and worship was a weekly ritual. Because of this, coming out felt nearly impossible. Assumptions still ran rampant by my peers and others who noticed my ‘softened’ behaviors. I faced bullying at school, teasing from cousins, and sermons I had to painfully sit through at church condemning who I was.
I didn’t want to force my family into a position where they had to accept or reject me. I wasn’t ready to take that risk.
Coming out takes immense courage. It’s an act of vulnerability and strength, stepping into the unknown and embracing your truth, regardless of the outcome.
Hiding a significant part of my life from those who love me creates a gap between who I am and how I present myself. This can be isolating, as I navigate the stress of keeping secrets and avoiding certain topics. Despite being surrounded by loved ones, at times I still feel disconnected and misunderstood, burdened by the effort to conceal a vital part of my identity.
Growth happens when we step out of our comfort zone. Facing uncomfortable situations head-on allows us to confront fears, push boundaries, and discover our true strength.
Recently, I took a leap and sent my mom a podcast interview where I openly identified as a queer man. She listened to the episode and later told me how much she loved it. Despite her reaction, I felt it was important to have a direct conversation about my identity.
When I spoke with her openly, her response was incredibly loving and supportive. We bridged the gap and have begun to build a closer relationship.
Everyone’s coming out experience is unique. While I’m grateful for my mom’s supportive response and the hope for our relationship, I know that everyone won’t have the same outcome.
Just know you are not alone. Many queer people still struggle with living authentically because of a world that told them it was unsafe to do so. National Coming Out Day is a reminder that it’s never too late to live your truth and be your most authentic self. Even well into my adult years, I’m learning that same lesson.
Patrick Buchanan, SVP of Marketing at Lulus, brings over 15 years of experience in crafting innovative, culture-defining campaigns for notable brands like Good American and Universal Music Group, collaborating with some of the most influential stars and leaders in the world. Recognized by Brand Innovators as one of the “Top 40 Marketers,” Patrick excels in building and leading high-performing teams. Based in Los Angeles, his work as a queer creative and marketer establishes him as a pivotal figure in shaping the intersection of culture, fashion, and inclusivity while advocating for greater representation across industries.
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