Here’s a newsflash: lots and lots of people cheat in their relationships. Statistics show that it happens a lot more than we might imagine, and consistently across the board.
A new survey has found that the majority of gay men (52%) in monogamous relationships say they’ve cheated on their boyfriends or partners, with 45% of them saying their partners never found out.
A total of nearly 1000 gay and bisexual men participated in the study, which was conducted by FS magazine.
Related: These Guys All Caught Their Boyfriends Cheating. Now What?
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Of the 52% of cheaters, 17% said they had picked up an STI while sneaking around–and 61% say they never told their partners about it.
The number of gay men who say they’ve been cheated on themselves was even higher, with 58% of respondents saying a partner had been unfaithful.
But those high numbers aren’t just limited to couples in monogamous relationships. 40% of respondents in open relationships reported that either they or their partner had broken the rules of that relationship at some point.
Related: Gay Guys Turn To Whisper To Confess Their Cheating Ways
Ian Howley, Chief Executive of the Health Equality and Rights Organisation, says the results of the survey reiterate the importance of getting regularly tested for STDs, even if you’re in a committed relationship.
“17% of the gay men who admitted to cheating on their partner got an STI or HIV,” he says. “We recommend that all sexually active gay men, whether in a relationship or not, gets tested for HIV and STI at least twice a year.”
Let’s be honest, folks. Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine. The real problem isn’t non-monogamy, it’s non-communication. We’re often afraid to talk to our partners and afraid to be truthful with ourselves, and its the secrets we keep that can poison the love shared between two people.
Related: Is Sexting Cheating? Survey Says… It’s Complicated.
JaredMacBride
For most people monogamy and testosterone are incompatible.
Lacuevaman
most = 100% sonner or later…get over it.
Lacuevaman
sooner
Heywood Jablowme
If you click on the link to the FS Magazine piece, most of the respondents are millennials, and some even younger than millennials, with a few Gen X’ers and a very few (very late) boomers.
Danny595 is going to have an aneurism when he gets back from the church potluck and reads this.
Kangol
As soon as I saw the headline I knew: a GG post. The stats are not surprising. I thought the number of those stepping outside their relationships would be much higher, but then if the sample were different it probably would be. As Heywood Jablowme says, when Danny and his alter ego CastleSF get back from their prayer circle, they’ll probably rage about the stats.
ChrisK
Yes. Count down to Danny595/CastleSF coming here and going into full apoplectic seizure. Promiscuity is wrong, end of civilization, monogamy, monogamy is the only way, my generation, etc, etc, squawk, squawk, squawk….
KaiserVonScheiss
“The real problem isn’t non-monogamy, it’s non-communication.”
Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that. The problem is people view sex as an end rather than a means.
Blackceo
Not surprised about these numbers. I don’t believe monogamy is natural. I told mine that if he steps out, don’t let me find out and wrap it up because if he brings something back to me I’ll kill him.
For me, its not giving him license to cheat, but rather being realistic. Guys in open relationships are the ones I’ve seen last the longest but I just can’t do that.
Paco
It’s definitely a communication problem. Too many want to have their cake and eat it too and don’t want to risk the relationship being ended if they are honest about wanting to have sex with others. A friend of mine got gonorrhea from his husband who had been cheating on him. He forgave him, but became paranoid about catching another disease to the point that it ended their relationship.
Apolodorus
That is so sad.
tnguy222
Yeah, catching something like HIV from a cheating spouse would be grounds to commit Heat-of-Passion murder….
Only a cowardly scumbag cheats, rather than being honest or breaking up.
CastleSF
Relationship is all about trust and commitment. I am not totally against the notion of an open relationship, especially when a long term couple earns their right to open up their relationship with their unwavering trust in and steadfast commitment to their partner. For any other couples, it’s your prerogative to open up your relationship, but be prepared to face the dark side of human nature and the hurtful betrayal when your partner dumps you to pursue his own romantic interests.
Danny595
The second I saw the headline, I knew that this was going to be yet another bogus “survey” from “FS Magazine.” This is the 4th fake survey they put out on various topics. The topics differ, but the sham is always the same. No release of the full survey. No methodology. No indication whatsoever that this is a sample from which results can be generalized. In the absence of any information, we have to assume that this is an online poll which anyone can fill out any number of times, which is statistically useless.
When they did the 1st one of these about a year and a half ago, I actually emailed them to request a copy of the actual survey and for information on methodology. They never responded. It’s a joke. The actual surveys on this question, published in peer-reviewed, scientific journals, show low rates of cheating, higher rates of “agreements,” but with a substantial percentage of those with “agreements” never acting upon them. Actual rates of cheating (sex outside an agreed-upon monogamous relationship) are relatively low and actual monogamy (as actually practiced, not merely agreed to), are at the highest levels since measurements began.
Juanjo
As predictable as the tide. Miss Danny has the vapors.
Brian
We really should start a GoFundMe for his smelling salts, the poor dear.
lcandela123
Probably is a crappy survey. A lot of these are. But, the basic points still ring true, don’t they?
Heywood Jablowme
Millennials have an amusing tendency to “solve” problems by redefining the terminology. Hence:
“Oral sex” is not “REAL sex”… even though “sex” is still right there in the title.
“Virginity” means “anal virginity” for gay millennial guys (but in the case of heterosexuals, vaginal virginity) (but for heterosexuals, anal sex is still virginity, lol, go figure).
“Chastity” means “avoiding anal sex, but bj’s are still okay.” Queerty actually had an article all about this, where a guy decided to give up “sex” for six months, but he redefined it THIS way. As I recall, we were supposed to get a follow up article on how well this experiment went. But I don’t recall a follow up article, so maybe he couldn’t make it thru the entire six months, poor kid.
“Monogamy” has no doubt morphed into… okay let’s limit it to 3 guys, or maybe 4 guys… even though “mono” meaning “one” is still right there in the title.
tnguy222
I have never cheated on a partner, nor have I ever been cheated on (as far as I know). I just break it off, rather than risk inflicting such a terrible emotional harm as to cheat.
However, I do ruthlessly pursue partnered guys (whether they are partnered to men or women). If I get a gay vibe from you, and you have a sweet butt that I want, I will pursue you regardless of your relationship status.
I justify it as that it “takes two to tango;” it’s not my fault if your relationship wasn’t strong to boot. I am not sure that St. Peter will find my answer satisfactory when I am held accountable, but I love what I love.
CastleSF
@tnguy. I am sure the world needs people like you to satisfy the erotic needs of the cheaters out there. I have to agree with you that whether the cheater that you desire so much acts unfaithfully is of little relevance here. It’s better that you don’t ask and they don’t tell. However, if you find yourself sleeping with a guy who happens to be the boyfriend of one your good friends, I don’t see how, if you are being honest with yourself, you can look yourself in the mirror and have no remorse in what you’ve done.
Blackceo
@tnguy222 You don’t find it homewrecker-ish to do that? Ultimately you are right in that it is the partnered guy who took the vows or who told their partner they are going to be monogamous, but that just seems kind of dirty. Is it a thrill for you to chase partnered guys? Seems like it could be a little dangerous. Do you do it while the other partner is present? I hope you don’t run into the wrong one cuz I’m that bitch whose bass will get real loud for everyone present to hear that you better back TF up!!!
tnguy222
To be clear, I don’t target partnered guys with particularity. In fact, I would prefer that the boys not be partnered.
Whether partnered or not, a sexy boy who looks like he takes it up his beautiful bum is going to get hit on.
I am not aggressive, I won’t destroy friends’ relationships, and I’m not a coward so I’ll hit on a guy in front of a “boyfriend”.
If the boy is receptive, then he was mine to begin with.
Life is short, let people know that they are beautiful and deserve your love. The rest is up to them.
Brian
“Deserve your love”? Someone has a high opinion of himself. Personally, I’d say an obviously partnered guy deserves your respect, regardless of how sweet his butt is.
Stop being such a dick.
o.codone
@ Blackceo. ” …..you better back TF up!!! “. Blacks and violence. It’s a thing.
Heywood Jablowme
You sure are living dangerously. Boyfriends of cheating partners tend to physically attack the NEW guy – even if the new guy is totally unaware of the relationship. And you’re aware of it.
Blackceo
@tnguy222 I’m actually kind of mixed on this.You say “If the boy is receptive, then he was mine to begin with” I mean its disrespectful and messy but I kind of have to agree that its true. You can’t steal what isn’t already lost or doesn’t want to be stolen. However, I still find it cruddy to knowingly go after someone you know is in a relationship, AND that you’d do it in front of their partner.
theszak
The Strategy. BEFORE sex test TOGETHER for A VARIETY OF STIs Sexually Transmitted Infections including HIV Human Immunodeficiency Virus then make an INFORMED decision, google… tested together before sex
NateOcean
Another poorly written GG article. A table of numbers will do, but instead we get paragraph after paragraph of a confusing written summary.
Notright
Sure looks like it
Notright
The best way to prevent cheating is to make sure your bedroom game is up to snuff. A good way to do that is to have a bigger manhood. https://packedman.com/dont-disappoint-little-friend/ . Don’t disappoint him with your little friend!
Heywood Jablowme
I’m not going to click on any link you post (nor do I need to in THIS case, lol), but is that the same company that sells the Donald Trump commemorative coin?
Would explain a lot.
Tobi
OK, we get it, you’ve discovered Clickbank, signed up as an affiliate and you’re now desperately trying to flog anyone an overpriced book on penis enlargement for a bit of commission.
Guess what? It’s not going to work!
Brian
Please stop spamming
lcandela123
The last paragraph is sooo true. “The real problem is not not-monogamy; it is non-communication.”
Males are hard-wired to be non-monogamous by our evolutionary psychology and biology. The majority of us would be very sad, indeed, if we had to limit our sexual experiences to one person per lifetime. But, due to arcane Victorian and Puritan mores, many find themselves stuck, living lives of quiet desperation (as one author aptly wrote, can’t remember who). The problem really is non-communication, hence, the sneaking around. How many perfectly good relationships get needlessly destroyed because someone gets caught “cheating”?
So, the solution really is communication. Talk to your partner about having an open relationship. There is plenty of love and fun to go around, so no need to bottle it all up.
Now I realize that non-monogamy isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine. Some guys are asexual. Some guys have a low sex drive, low testosterone. Some guys genuinely like being with just one guy. And all of that is perfectly fine. But, it is definitely NOT the case for the majority of men. So, don’t use stupid social customs to suppress our innate nature, and then call it virtue.
Heywood Jablowme
” living lives of quiet desperation (as one author aptly wrote, can’t remember who)”
That was Henry David Thoreau, of “Walden” fame. Probably a homo who died a virgin. There’s “quiet desperation”!
hwc2016
Sadly it happens a lot, as soon as one person leaves for work, the other is cruising the internet on Crags List, Adam4adam, Grindr, etc. And you can tell the cheaters, because they are looking for now! like before 5 LOL.
badpappy
The heavily false moralistic overtone of this study and article render it meaningless, except of course if you were going to charge people to use the confessional.
The article reeks of right-wing “family values” hetero-normative fantasy land.
Tombear
Surprise, men in general are not naturally monogamous and the reason is evolutionary. We have to spread our sperm around to perpetuate the species. Straight men have as many affairs as gay men and how many married DL men use gay men as their regular cocksuckers. I have 3 who visit me on a regular basis. Their wives won’t suck their cocks. Is that really cheating?