Somewhere along the way, the word “gay” went from meaning “lighthearted” and/or “homosexual” to also meaning “foolish, stupid, or unimpressive,” as the Oxford Dictionaries attest. And that third meaning really chafes one Reddit user, who asked for advice about “handling friends who constantly say the word ‘gay’ in the wrong way.”
Related: Jocks who use antigay slurs aren’t actually homophobic, says new study
This Redditor has a friend who uses gay as a pejorative on the regular: “Died in call of duty? Gay. Didn’t get the day off work? Gay. Don’t like the news headline? Gay.”
“It’s just not registering with him that it’s inappropriate and hurtful,” the user wrote.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Thankfully, the users of the r/gay subreddit were full of ideas. Read on for some of their comments.
Ask for clarification
“When he says it, ask, ‘And how is that gay?’ And when he answers just give him a blank look and say, ‘I don’t get it. Gay is to be with someone [of] the same sex, not that. I think that word doesn’t mean what you think it means.’ Then give him other words to use as options in that instance. If he gives you sass, just tell him you are taking the word gay back.”
Be smooth but underhanded
“I’ve had this problem and this is pretty much how I handled it with almost my entire straight friend group. I’ll just say something like, ‘And how is it gay?’ Every time, I would say something smooth but underhanded to make them think about it. They have all stopped.”
Use sass
“What I did is to fake a laugh very loud, and claim, ‘You’re right! Because being gay is BAD! I just get it!’ Usually, if there’s more people around, they get the sarcasm and call the dude out on not using gay as an insult. Depends on the crowd, though, so think before doing this.”
Related: Gay or queer? Redditors sound off on the delineation
Take them to class
“Call it out, if it does actually bother you. Teaching your own friends how best to communicate with you is how it’s done. If you truly do find his particular use of the word ‘gay’ as being hurtful and inappropriate, and (as you suggest) that your friend is unaware how this is landing, then you can take it as your own responsibility to call that out and lovingly defend yourself and teach your friend.”
Ask for credentials
“Ask ’em to produce their Gay Union Card. If they cannot produce one then they cannot use the word ‘gay’ in any way shape or form.”
Rock-N-RollHS
This post is so gay!
Donston
It of course has homophobic beginnings. But using “gay” in such a manner is also connected to the idea that “gayness” is lame, uncool, basic, sad and pathetic, which is unfortunately how many “queers” perpetuate “gay”. But we are at a point where folks who use the word in such a manner very much know what they’re doing. You can’t claim ignorance in this current environment. Thankfully, it is starting to die down a bit, or maybe it’s just because I’m not around teenagers and people in in their early 20’s much any longer.
Kangol2
In short, the pejorative use of “gay” is linked to negative, homophobic associations, such as that being “gay” is unmanly, pathetic, weak, etc. Being “gay” is none of these. The same is true with other anti-gay slurs that people toss out, like the f-bomb. So using the word in this manner is homophobic and not OK. Gay = homosexual or gay = happy. Negative uses of it, despite claims of ignorance about its origin, are homophobic and should be discouraged and called out.
Creamsicle
How about comebacks for people who write non-articles about reddit threads with fewer than 10 upvotes?
Seamus_Coz
My favorite response to someone saying that something was “gay” in a derogatory way was just to respond, “Actually, I think that’s pretty straight. Because I sure as hell don’t do that.” Makes people think about it for a moment and laugh at the same time. While at the same time flipping the switch and using “straight” in the same manner. They get a taste of how it feels and have had many buddies stop using it in that way.