Redditors console gay man harassed about PDA with “kids around”
Some loudmouthed woman ruined a perfectly lovely day in the park for one guy and his boyfriend, and now the guy is wondering if he’s overreacting to this “uncomfortable experience in public.”
In a July 7 Reddit post, this guy says that he and his boyfriend were seated on a bench with the guy’s arm around the boyfriend and the boyfriend’s hand in the guy’s hair.
Sounds dreamy, right? Enter homophobe, stage right.
“Then this lady in her late 40s/early 50s walks by us [and] wouldn’t stop staring and started to point at us,” the guy writes. “She then starts talking to an old man sitting in the park, starts yelling telling the man to ‘look at them’ and [saying] ‘THERE’S KIDS AROUND.’ Basically, very loudly shaming us.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“I know nothing serious happened—she did not even talk to us directly—but, I don’t know, since then, I have just been having anxiety all day,” he adds.
And in the comments, the guy says he and his beau weren’t even kissing. “[I] just had my arm around him, and she decided to flip out,” he said. “I guess I have learned my lesson, lmao. No more parks.”
Other Reddit users were quick to sympathize with the guy.
“You are definitely not overreacting,” one wrote. “We feel what we feel. I think we would all feel what you did and have different thoughts/anxieties about what to do. Recently, I had supper with friends and a friend of one of my friends. When the woman realized I was gay, she went batsh*t crazy and said, ‘Why do you need to have parades? You are lowering yourself. If you want change, you should do it with your intellect and (get this) TED Talks.’ … It went downhill from there, and I let her have it. But there are other times when I didn’t say anything, even though I am steaming. Just remember it’s about them, not us.”
Related: After homophobe tore up his Pride decor, this Albuquerque man responded in the best way
Another Reddit user said that he experienced similar PDA panic with his significant other while driving into San Francisco on the I-580. “I was massaging my spouse’s neck since it was sore from the long drive back from L.A., and a minivan slowly passed us. It was full of kids between 6 and 11, and they were all freaking out, screaming at their parents and pointing at the ‘gay people’. Massaging another man’s neck isn’t even necessarily gay, but what a commotion. You would think we were naked on a flatbed truck [and] having a 20-man orgy, by their reaction, but I guess we were the first ‘gay people’ those kids had ever seen in real life.”
Other commenters proposed possible comebacks for the hateful person in the park. “That’s not my fucking problem, Helen,” one person wrote. (Is Helen the new Karen? Aside from our devotion to certain Helens—Hunt and Mirren—we like it.)
Related: Gay couple accosted by homophobic cyclists for simply asking them not to trespass on their property
There were disagreements in the comment section, though. One person wrote that he would “start making out” with his man after hearing comments like Helen’s.
But another person begged to differ. “People who often say f*ck you to others invite getting f*cked over themselves,” that person wrote. “Live and let live.”
And commenters disagreed with that disagreement. “Kissing is nothing harmful to that bitter old woman,” one person replied. “The solution is not always to shrink away. At some point, resistance may be necessary.”
Elsewhere on the thread, someone said he “never dared express affection in a park” because of people like Helen.
But another commenter said, “You should do the opposite, and be extremely visible in public spaces. It’s an act of service. For some gay kids, it may be their only sighting of someone who is like them. They need to see it.”
And a different Reddit user added: “It’s not the gay community’s burden to hide and avoid public spaces because hetero adults don’t understand logic.”
Which leads us to one of life’s most enduring questions: Are the straights OK?
While we ponder that, let’s just hope this romantic park-goer and his boyfriend avoid further entanglements with late-40s/early-50s homophobes.
bachy
Hmmm. I dunno. In my view, public spaces are full of crazy people. It doesn’t make much difference if you’re gay, straight or somewhere in between, there’s always some nutjob ready to hassle you about something.
For me, when in public, a certain level of wariness is required. I don’t allow myself to get all vulnerable and exposed. It’s a kind of armor I don’t need to wear if I’m lounging around at home smooching a boyfriend.
I’ve always felt that appropriate behavior is different in the Public sphere, in the Private sphere and in the Professional sphere. For instance, I wouldn’t wear my pajamas to work – although some people may feel they have a ‘right’ to do so.
foambone
I try to be realistic in public. I am 66 and fairly active. I am not in a rocking chair on the front porch, yet. I don’t usually get stupid and stand on a soap box that may get me or whomever I am with gay bashed. I live in a small town in SW Illinois about half an hour from St. Louis, Mo. Most people in my town know I’m gay and it is a non-issue. Of course there are some that just don’t like me for some reason or none at all. Anyway, I could write a novella but no oone would read it. lol Be safe and be smart as there are too many just waiting for a reason to find fault with others. Peace
Donston
When it comes to all these internet and anonymous stories a teaspoon of salt need to be taken. A very large percentage of them are made up or exaggerated or leave out crucial details. This is so commonplace though that I’m surprised they felt the need to let the world know. There’s definitely a such thing as “doing too much” when it comes to PDA. And I just don’t indulge PDA. While folks are homophobic, especially male homophobic. Even people who claim to be “gay friendly” get caught up in “protect the kids from anything ‘gay” type shit. Even many openly queer people get caught up in that internalized phobias because of their own traumas or struggles or insecurities. There’s still a lot of resentments towards same-sex affections and love and commitments, especially towards male-male. There’s barely a month that goes by where me and husband don’t experience some casual or direct homophobia or homo-shaming, even from “accepting” friends or family. It all comes with the territory.
cc423
How large a percentage? Have you completed a verified study? Or is this just your opinion?
Donston
Common sense. People will say anything when they hide behind “anonymous”. And most people know a lot of these Reddit stories are BS. At this point, it’s a part of their appeal. Also, barely anyone is still sending stories to these bloggers, and when they do they’re often as sensationalistic as possible. The details often don’t add up. While the advice they’re seeking is often basic shit they can get from anyone.
RickHeathen
It’s all about people refusing to mind their own damn business.
Max
what’s natural is love. what’s unnatural is someone that isn’t for it, no matter the format.
Rambeaux
Parks are for making whoop-whoop in the bushes with anonymous strangers.
Then the old biddies will be oblivious to their surroundings.
gaym50ish
To avoid the hassles, we all need to be a little mindful of where we are. Holding hands or kissing is not a big deal if you’re in the Castro or on Seattle’s Capitol Hill, but it might even be dangerous in some other places. When a Karen or a bully confronts a gay couple, it’s tempting to want to make a statement with even more PDA, but it could land them in the hospital. There will come a time when it’s commonplace and accepted, but we’re not there yet.
miller2900
gaym50ish…… since you’ve said “but we’re not there yet”, how do you propose “we get there” if it isn’t by feeling free enough in this day and age to just hold hands or give a kiss to one’s gay partner? I live at the beach in Los Angeles so I realize the situation is much more open here. However, not all of CA is that “free and open”. I’m over 60 so I still believe that EVERYONE…. gay, straight, or otherwise should have an acceptable level of decorum whenever out in public just as a matter of being aware of one’s surroundings. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to see anything approaching porn level behavior being visable in public…. gay, straight, or otherwise. Kids and even really young immature adults don’t need to witness some things in life that they are just not developed enough to understand so WE ALL need to be aware of our fellow humans. Thats not to say simple hand holding or a kiss shouldn’t be common place for EVERYONE! Its 2022 not 1922 and while I enjoyed an uneventful “coming out” in my mid-20’s during the 80’s when there seemed to be little conflict with the gay population (again, I live in LA) or fortunately, my family (that I would have disowned immediately if there had been). So, I’m outraged that here in 2022 we seem to be moving backwards?
Jim
We need more Public Show-of Affection.
No, not making out, but our being kinds to one another physically.
sfhairy
I would have started having sex right in front of the Karen.
MISTERJETT
pda around children is way better than bullets flying all around them.
bachy
Word!
Mr-DJ
If the kids react adversely, then it’s obvious that the parents aren’t doing their job. That’s on them. That’s the way they want to live their lives, but unfortunately it perpetuates those inadequacies onto their children. Again, that’s on them. You also have the same right to live your life. And your if PDA becomes those kids’ first bit of education in that regard, at least that’s a small first step of many that need to follow. (I wonder – do they not take their kids to see ball games where one bro hugging another bro happens a lot?)
SoggyDuck
The “cure” for homophobia is natural death. There is no convincing them otherwise, we just hope that the following generations are more enlightened. In the meantime, we press forward showing the world that we are talented, contributing citizens and have been for centuries.
Mack
Me with my big mouth, I would have told her to hurry up and hide so she wouldn’t be scaring anymore kids.
Gandalf The Grey
Next time get your phones out and start videotaping. Don’t forget to ask the person their name. Post it online and give them a taste of their own medicine. Or report them for harassment to the police if you trust the police in the town it took place.