You’ve heard of The Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City, but do you remember “The Real Gay Men’s Wives of Salty Lake City”?
Excuse us, maybe we should refer to it by its actual name—we mean My Husband’s Not Gay, the controversial reality TV special that aired on TLC in 2015.
Yes, nearly a decade ago, the network formerly known as The Learning Channel aired an hour-long special all about a group of Mormon men living in SLC, Utah who were either married to women or pursuing committed relationships with women despite experiencing SSA, a.k.a. “same-sex attraction.”
Your dose of fabulosi-TEA
Subscribe to our newsletter for your front-row seat to all things entertainment with a sprinkle of everything else queer.
All of the men featured acknowledged that they are, in fact, attracted to other men, and yet they—and their spouses—maintain they are “not gay,” as the title suggests.
A natural response to that might be, “Okay, so they’re bisexual then, right? Or maybe they more broadly identify as queer!” But we can assure you that was not the case…
These were all devoted members of the Church of Latter-Day Saints, which says any form of sexual activity outside of marriage is a sin, and which also does not perform or support same-sex marriages, so… you do the math!
Related*
Woman who outed ex to his fundamentalist, Mormon family wonders: “Am I an a**hole?”
Were her actions just?
When My Husband’s Not Gay premiered in January of 2015, it was met with pushback from the broader queer community and a number of LGBTQ+ advocacy groups, including GLAAD, which called the show “irresponsible” for “showing content that gives the idea that sexual orientation is a choice.”
At the time, a Change.org petition suggesting TLC cancel the show received over 100,000 signatures, arguing it sent a message that “being gay is something that can and ought to be changed, or that you should reject your sexual orientation by marrying someone of the opposite sex.”
It’s unclear if there was ever a plan for TLC to broadcast My Husband’s Not Gay as a full series, so it’s hard to say for sure if the petition and public outcry was effective in stopping it, but the hour-long special did air regardless, only to be forgotten about soon thereafter… until now.
Recently, TikToker Julian Hagins—who runs the podcast Reality Rewatch—stumbled upon the special and is adding his hilarious commentary to some of its most unbelievable moments, and is going viral in the process.
“So everybody’s in denial on this show,” Hagins says as he laughs his way through select clips. “Why would they sign up for this?”
@julianhagins #tlc #myhusbandsnotgay #realitytv #utah #mormon #gay #marriage #family #denial #tv #whattowatch #realityrewatch ♬ original sound – Julian Hagins
In one such clip, we meet Jeff and his wife Tanya, who have been married nine years and even have a young son. As Jeff explains, “one of the most unique things about our relationship is I experience SSA, or same-sex attraction.” “Not Gay. SSA,” Tanya quickly interjects, prompting an exasperated “girl…” and a laugh from Hagins.
The TikToker’s commentary on My Husband’s Not Gay sparked immediate interest among his 600,000+ followers who begged him to delve further into the special—and things just kept getting “juicier and juicier.”
In another eyebrow-raising scene, Jeff tells his wife he’s planning to go camping with some guys, prompting a knowing and disapproving look from Tanya. “Not her catching on!,” Hagins remarks. “She’s like, ‘Oh, I know what camping is.'”
@julianhagins Replying to @Nina Walker #myhusbandsnotgay #tlc #fyp #realitytv #tv #mormon #family #drama #tv #ssa #gay ♬ original sound – Julian Hagins
“Being with someone with SSA comes with its own set of challenges,” Tanya says in the special. “When my husband goes on these overnight trips, I’ve been concerned, just because… anything can happen!”
“Girl, duh!,” Hagins adds. “That’s why she’s trying to start the episode out like, ‘Oh, SSA! SSA!’ Yeah, he about to get some SSA. Backwards!”
The couple even brings up a previous time when Jeff had some guy friends sleep over at the house and “things got a little out of control.” Whoops!
Related*
David Archuleta on his transformation from Mormon church boy to out & proud gym bro: “I feel great”
The 33-year-old is living his best life since coming out & leaving the Mormon church.
Nearly a decade after My Husband’s Not Gay‘s debut, the media landscape has changed quite extensively and is much more inclusive to LGBTQ+ voices, making the outage around the special feel a little overblown in retrospect. Obviously sexuality is not a choice—this program is just showing as a small sampling of a niche group of people who believe that.
And while it’s certainly amusing to revisit now and laugh at the absurdity of it all, we’re also just hoping everyone featured in the show is happy and healthy and living as their authentic selves. You know, if TLC wanted to put together a reunion or a follow-up “Where Are They Now?” special, maybe we’d be surprised to learn that some of them have finally accepted their sexuality and realized they’re no longer just SSA!
In the meantime, Hagins wrapped up his coverage of the special on TikTok by saying, “I’m about to go do some digging and try to find these people,” so we’ll stay glued to his page and keep our figners crossed for some positive updates!
@julianhagins Replying to @Cactus_lass #myhusbandsnotgay #mormons #utah #ssa #gay #funny #realitytv #tv #tlc #whattowatch #dating ♬ original sound – Julian Hagins
My Husband’s Not Gay is available for digital purchase via the TLC Presents series on Amazon Prime Video.
m
I’m not sure this sad or “to each their own” or both.
Prob both.
Jason
I’m not left-handed, I just use my left hand to write and do other fine tasks.
I’m not a ginger, but I do have red hair.
I’m not tall. But I am 6-3.
Sad.
GayEGO
I left the Mormon church when I was a teenager as I believed their teaching was bad. My body never reacted to women even though I liked their personality. I remember when I was born and when I was 20 years old I followed the rule – Know thyself and to thine self be true. I found my guy and we were together 57 years, married the last 15 years and now I am a widower!
Diplomat
Ah yes. Look but don’t touch! A true farce.
Kangol2
“SSA” for gay. Got it. The torment visible on these men’s faces was painful to watch.
avesraggiana
Which did you, the writer, mean? “Formally” or “formerly”? Spelling matters. This morning my boyfriend texted me this – “I can still smell your colon on my pillow…”. Correct spelling matters, missies!
RyanMBecker
All I remember about the show was that all the “not-gay” guys were cute. They all had that Mormon wholesomeness. One memorable scene had all the guys bouncing around playing basketball. In fact, I think that’s where the screenshot was taken. Nice
Joseph1971
TLC never fails to deliver, by giving us soft ball, easy to watch programming as is evident in its endless 90 day Fiancé franchises.
I often question the legitimacy of these relationships while watching them “play out” over several seasons. It was only after I looked at an article that was basically a “where are they now” story that I realized some of them were actually couples in real life.
SethEd
These men should be pitied not ridiculed. They are making a great sacrifice to follow their beliefs, but I predict some day they will realize they are gay and made a mistake. Like myself, I’ve been celibate for the last 30 years because of my Catholic faith. I truly thought God would bless me for it, but now I am old with nothing to show for it. I guess you can make fun of me if you want, but I have enough regret and sadness without the ridicule.
unclemike
Turn it off, like a light switch, just go ‘click,’ it’s a nifty little Mormon trick…
Man About Town
The major problem with the whole “My husband’s not gay” thing is, someone is bound to get hurt.