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For anyone who’s yet to watch The Acolyte, the first thing you need to know is that The Thirst is strong with this one. Between Charlie Barnett’s abs and Manny Jacinto’s… well, everything, it’s very hard to concentrate on what’s actually happening in the story. There are some twins who are sort of into Jedi stuff and some bad*ss lesbian space witches pop up at one point, but beyond that, it’s impossible to know what’s really going on.
But The Acolyte isn’t the only Star Wars story that’s got us crying, “It’s a (thirst) trap!”
Underneath all those stuffy monk-like robes, most Jedi are packing something far more impressive than any mere lightsaber. It’s rare to see, of course—although Osha (Amandla Stenberg) sure got an eyeful of Qimir’s (Jacinto) secret weapon in episode six of The Acolyte—but if you look a little further beyond The Handsome Menace, you’ll see that the rest of this galaxy far, far away is actually far, far hornier than you might realize. It doesn’t get much more phallic than a large, glowing, pulsating sword, after all.
To celebrate Manny Jacinto becoming the internet’s new boyfriend (is Twitter back to being The Good Place at last?), Queerty is here to share proof that Star Wars is indeed a lustful Sarlacc cesspit, and has been for decades.
But before you start, just know that Pedro “Daddy” Pascal has a Mandalorian code to abide by, so that armor isn’t coming off anytime soon. This is not the way, as much as you might want otherwise, so turn back now if you’re only here for him.
Charlie in Charge
Kudos to whomever came up with the “It’s a Thirst Trap” subhead.
It’s very telling that of the ten listed here only one of them predates 2017. Here’s to a future with stunning leading men in a galaxy far, far away.
Kangol2
Temuera Morrison was incredible
in Once Were Warriors. A+ film.
Diplomat
David Opie,
You write like the Mona Lisa smiles.