Larry Csonka wants the stick!
The Miami Dolphins legend starred in a 1978 commercial for Old Spice Deodorant that’s making us perspire. The bruising running back, who ran for 64 touchdowns during his career, worked up quite a sweat after games. But he couldn’t find suitable relief.
Roll-on deodorant was too wet, whereas spray deodorant was too inexact. The two-time Super Bowl champ needed his antiperspirant to be juuuust right. Consider him the macho, sweaty version of Goldilocks!
How about we take this to the next level?
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Finally, after years of trial and error, Csonka found the Old Spice stick. He was so relieved, he wrote a special ode to the product:
Use the roll on, all sticky and wet.
Spray your under arms, what a fog you’ll get
So give me the stick.
Old Spice deodorant stick.
It goes right to the spot, all winter foggy it is not.
It guards against odors, the whole day long.
With Old Spice freshness, you cannot go wrong.
So goodbye roll on, so long spray.
Old Spice stick. It’s the only way.
Touching and convincing!!
As one of the most physical backs of his time, Csonka almost certainly broke a sweat on the gridiron… especially in the South Florida heat! The Pro Football Hall of Famer is so tough, legend says he broke his nose 10 times, and never exited a game.
Along with Mercury Morris, Csonka became part of the first 1,000-yard rushing duo in NFL history. The Dolphins played in three Super Bowls, and won two, with Csonka in the backfield from 1968-74.
The pinnacle of Csonka’s career came in 1972, when the Dolphins completed their historic undefeated season. The Ohio native rushed for a league-leading 1,117 yards.
Like other hunky athletes in his day–hello to MLB legend Jim Palmer and his precious Jockeys–Csonka didn’t hesitate to disrobe for the camera. In addition to Old Spice, he was a pitchman for Schick, a popular brand of shaving cream.
In a particularly steamy ad, one of “Zonk’s” bikini-clad friends informs him he needs to get into shape if he wants to head out on dates. With a bushy mustache and hairy chest to match, Csonka proceeds to flex.
“Babe, I’m solid steel!” he pleads.
But no, no… she’s not referring to that kind of shape.
She’s referring to “Schick Shape!” (For the record, we’ll take 1970s Csonka however he comes, thank you very much!)
A true husk of a man, Csonka nails the ’70s jock look to perfection. Just give him some tight jeans, a singlet and put him in a Chippendales workout video!
But I suppose we’ll settle for “Zonk” in a football jersey…
These days, Csonka, 77, is living his best outdoorsman life in Alaska. Almost 50 years later, it seems like Old Spice has never done him wrong.
Related*
This 1980s Chippendales workout vid is about much more than pumping iron
The Chippendale dancers stared in their own “Muscle Motion” classic.
Jim Palmer’s underwear ads from the ’80s make us want to pitch a perfect game
The Baltimore Orioles great was Jockey’s primary pitchman in the 1980s.
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You forgot about his GQ magazine cover!