Influencer Zachary Willmore is one of our favorite voices on social media. Although he ostensibly rose to prominence with his ability to do backflips in high heels, last year he quickly also became an advocate for HIV awareness after he chose to reveal to followers he’d been diagnosed HIV-positive. Since then he has charted his journey regarding treatment and knowledge.
While most of his videos are lighthearted queer takes on culture, or makeup and drag makeovers, he occasionally returns to the subject of HIV. A recent video covered dating with HIV and the internalized stigma he’s had to battle.
“A lot of people ask me what it’s like dating someone HIV-negative while I’m HIV-positive,” he began. “At the end of this relationship, whether it’s to death or a breakup, I’ll still be HIV-positive and he will still be HIV-negative,” Willmore continued. “Because I took my medication.”
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If someone who is HIV-positive takes medication and reaches an undetectable level of the virus, they cannot pass it on to others, even if they engage in sex without condoms. This is known as Undetectable = Untransmissable, or U=U.
“So once you’re in a relationship it’s pretty much the same as everyone else. The hardest part of dating while having HIV was getting over my own mind. At the beginning of my diagnosis, I was legitimately blocking myself from having relationships because I felt I wasn’t deserving of one.”
“Even when they would tell me they’re OK with the diagnosis, I wouldn’t believe them. Because who would date someone as gross as me? How long will this last before they realize what a mistake they’d made and abandon me?”
“Allow yourself to be loved”
As he applies more makeup and lip gloss, Willmore says, “It wasn’t until I started believing them and actually allowed myself to be in a relationship that I actually got into one. Because if someone is not OK with you having this diagnosis then they will not be dating you.
“You are still deserving of love. A diagnosis does not change that. Especially a treatable one.”
“You have to allow yourself to be loved.”
Many of his followers thanked him for educating others. Other comments demonstrated there remains a lot of ignorance around the U=U message.
Some people shared their own experiences.
“My partner is positive and takes meds and I’m on PrEP and I hardly even remember that he has it,” said one person. “He and I take our meds regularly in the morning and I’m not at risk at all. It’s only a stigma for people that don’t understand the medical background or info on people living with this. They’ll treat you like someone with leprosy bc they don’t understand it. I’ve had my own family tell me I can’t see my niece or nephew bc I’m with someone who’s positive when I’m not even positive myself. It’s just ignorance that needs to be educated.”
Coming out as HIV-positive age 19
Willmore first shared the news about his HIV diagnosis in February last year. He was then a 19-year-old freshman studying business at San Diego State University.
He said he’d only been diagnosed the day before and was still processing the news.
“I just feel honestly so gross,” he said then. “I wish I could take, like, a big needle and drain all the blood out my body now. People keep telling me that I’m going to get through this. This honestly feels like the end of the world to me. All I can think about is how this disease is forever. I’m never going to be able to get rid of it. I just feel drained — emotionally, physically.”
@zachwillmore Day 1 of my video diary #hiv #gay #viral #diary ♬ original sound – ★ Star Boy ★
Last December, Willmore told Teen Vogue that he knew hardly anything about HIV before his diagnosis. He’d learned nothing about it at school besides it “was not something you wanted to get.”
However, within a few months of getting on treatment, he realized things had changed tremendously since the arrival of HIV in the 1980s.
“HIV has not impacted my life. … Besides taking a pill in the morning, I have been pretty much unchanged.”
Despite this, stigma around the virus remains rampant. It’s why he feels so strongly about speaking out and sharing his experiences.
In April 2023, Willmore spoke to Queerty to talk about living with HIV. He said he started his ‘living with HIV’ video diary firstly to help him to get his head around the news, and then to help others.
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