In the words of the oft-bedazzled Elvis Presley: “I’m feeling so lonely, I could die.”
OK, OK, so the “Heartbreak Hotel” singer had a flair for dramatics.
But his musings on solitude feel particularly resonant following last year’s declaration of a “loneliness epidemic” by U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Nurth and a recent American Friendship Project study that found more than 40% of people are not as close to their friends as they’d like to be.
How about we take this to the next level?
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The worst part is that LGBTQ+ people are disproportionately affected by loneliness, according to a report by the Eidos LGBTQ+ Heath Initiative.
In fact, 75% of queer survey respondents admitted to at least moderate feelings of loneliness and were more likely to “report chronic disease, poor self-rated health, mental health conditions, and suicidality.”
Nevertheless, American Friendship Project also found that 75% of Americans are satisfied with their number of friends. Just not the quality.
So, where’s the disconnect?
As Psychology Today theorized, a fear of judgement and a “fast-paced modern life” might be hampering our ability to connect with the pals we do have.
In the LGBTQ+ community, individuals may withdraw or hold back in friendships due to a fear of rejection, disrespect, or discrimination.
Often, that leaves you with nowhere to turn but oft-toxic queer apps like Grindr, where 38% of dudes are there for hookups, 18% to “kill time,” and a measly 17% are actually on the lookout for pals.
Typically, that leaves us feeling even more disconnected than before… and cue the Elvis!
Still, there are some strategies to address loneliness head on, strengthen current friendships, and foster new ones, as licensed clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael told Psychology Today.
(Warning: they may involve you to “go touch grass,” as the kids say, but they could seriously improve your physical and mental health.)
- Establish regular social routines
According to Carmichael, routine and “low-pressure” get togethers like a weekly brunch appointment or game night provide “a natural opportunity for friends to connect and keeps the lines of communication open.” And aren’t we always looking for an excuse to get mimosas?
- Embrace face-to-face communication
Believe it or not, “prioritizing face-to-face interactions can enhance the quality of relationships.” Which is not that surprising, considering our biting sarcasm doesn’t always translate in a blue text bubble.
- Keep a conversation list
As Carmichael explained, having some go-to conversation starters or anecdotes may “help avoid the awkwardness that sometimes arises from not knowing what to talk about.” Maybe start with those hot takes about Kylie Minogue songs from Twitter X, and work your way backwards?
- Develop a call list
Don’t wait for the first DM! Maintaining a list of people you want to check in with “can make it easier to reach out when you have spare moments” and ensure that “you remember to connect with those who matter to you.”
The good news is studies have shown lonely LGBTQ+ people can see a boost in mental and physical health as their feelings of belonging and social support improve.
Perhaps by putting yourself out there, you can go from “Heartbreak Hotel” to the Golden Girls theme song. And with that, we thank you for being a friend.
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