Maybe nowadays—or maybe sometime soon—a gay boy can grow up out and proud, with his fabulousness encouraged by his family and embraced by his peers. But that wasn’t the origin story for those of us who spent years or decades in the closet, desperate to understand ourselves or at least find someone who understood our feelings.
When a Reddit user recently asked for childhood memories that almost all gay kids have, r/askgaybros users responded with hundreds of comments. Some comments were light-hearted—we, too, would rather hang with our girlies than attend phys-ed class!—but many more referenced the emotional tumult of growing up gay in a homophobic environment.
Here, edited for readability, are excerpts from that convo…
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“Going to the men’s underwear section of a department store.”
“Underwear ads in the mailers and circulars.”
“Taking off Ken’s or G.I. Joe’s pants and being disappointed, if not horrified.”
“Feeling different and isolated and lonely.”
“Feeling dead inside when friends or family argue that gay people are sinful, disgusting, abnormal, etc.”
“Trying to figure out what the f*ck to do with that awkward straight girl crushing on you.”
“Constantly living with the sheer horror of the thought that someone will find out.”
“Feeling existential dread every time your parents would call out ‘Hey, can you come in here for a minute? I need to ask you something’ from the other room.”
“Fearing your parents would check on your phone anytime.”
“The dread of your relatives and parents’ friends asking if you have a girlfriend every holiday.”
“Not knowing what to say when all of your male friends are talking sexually about women.”
“Praying that the other boys don’t ask the question ‘Which girl do you fancy?’”
“When you’re about 13–14 and another kid asks ‘Are you gay?’ and your whole spine tingles with fear.”
“Being bullied for being gay before you knew were gay.”
“Only feeling comfortable in majority female friend groups.”
“Feeling really f*cking uncomfortable at sleepovers.”
“‘Am I gay?’ tests.”
“Being jealous of straight women for all the attention they get from hot men in person, in media, among friends and family, etc.” “Thinking that maybe you just hadn’t met the right girl yet.” “Finding ways to get out of sports and P.E.” “Feeling a special connection to one of your close or closest male friends.” “That one sleepover with your best friend.” “Accidentally experimenting and sh*t without realizing what you were doing and why.” “Crushing on/lusting for a boy who barely knew you existed that you could never be with.” “Your friend’s hot dad.” These characters sealed the deal. Sign up for the Queerty newsletter to stay on top of the hottest stories in LGBTQ+ entertainment, politics, and culture.
Related*
Guys list the male movie characters who awakened their sexuality
Louis
Seeing Chris O’Donnell as Robin and instantly knowing you were gay.
Man About Town
“Fearing your parents would check on your phone anytime.”
Well, at least that one wasn’t a problem for us goomers!