The internet is flooded with dating horror stories. But how about the happy endings?
A positive-minded Redditer recently asked successful couples about the secrets to their long-term happiness. While specific answers varied, there were commonalities in nearly every response.
The most popular reply, from someone who’s been coupled for 33 years, cites three basic rules: “Listening (as opposed to waiting for your chance to speak), forgiving, and separate bathrooms.”
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“I still smile every time I see him, he can’t wait to come home at night, and we miss each other when we’re apart,” he wrote.
Aww!!
With the proliferation of hookup apps, finding genuine connections can seem futile. And they’re only getting more difficult to navigate, with companies valuing monetization over user-friendliness.
There’s also the issue of perceived gay dating standards, which place an emphasis on six-pack abs and six-figure salaries.
But when reading responses to the Reddit prompt, the lack of superficiality stands out. Fostering a fulfilling relationship takes a lot more work than peacocking at the bar!
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“I have been with my guy for 8 years and our secret is to just show up and be there for each other,” somebody wrote. “Oh and don’t go to bed angry.”
On that note, a couple of guys said maintaining separate bedrooms–yes, bedrooms–has been crucial.
“Separate bedrooms. He slips into my bed early in the morning, so we ‘wake up’ together. I snore and thrash around, so separate is best,” wrote a self-described “trash” sleeper.
“We like our own space and have always had separate bedrooms, both very light sleepers,” somebody else added.
Interestingly, nobody in the dozens of replies mentioned sex as the primary driver behind their and their partner’s sustained compatibility.
In fact, somebody explicitly mentioned that shared “intellectual and cultural” interests are far more important than “mere sexual connections.”
The topic of sex in relationships is always highly fraught. Earlier this year, the New York Times published a feature story about the growing phenomenon of sexless marriages… at least in the traditional sense.
When it comes to sex, people are less active than assumed. The 2021 General Social Survey found that roughly 50% of adults polled had sex once per month or less, with half of those respondents acknowledging they haven’t had sex for a year.
So if intercourse isn’t a central ingredient in the relationship recipe, then what is?
This is a topic where Occam’s razor may apply!
“I’m not sure there is any magic secret. We like each other,” somebody wrote. “We have more in common now than we used to, just by having shared experiences.”
As far as sleeping with each other on the first date, the answers were mixed. Some did the deed immediately, while others waited.
One person recalled getting “super wasted at a bar” and hooking up with a tourist in Las Vegas. While he forgot the person’s name in the morning, he remembered when they chatted the following night…
“Went out the next night, found him, we talked all night…ff 15 years still together, and still predominately happy. Sometimes sh*t just lines up!,” he wrote.
That last phrase is key: sometimes the stars just align. But it takes strong communication skills, and a lot of humility, to keep them in orbit.
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