All long-term relationships go through a honeymoon period. After some time together, it’s rare to still have sex with the same regularity as when you first met someone. But how much does it tend to decrease?
A gay man has turned to Reddit for answers. Posting in the ‘AskGayBros’ subreddit, the man said, “My bf and I have been together for 14 years. At the beginning of our relationship we used to have sex (from the back door) 3 times a day – MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP. Now we only have oral sex…every few weeks. I love him to death. Now I am the one who initiates our ‘love time’ almost every time. Just want to know if this is normal?”
Many men were happy to share their own experiences (even if the definition of ‘long-term’ was somewhat subjective).
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Once a week
“After 9 years we do it 1-2 times a week and daily when on vacation,” was one well-liked response.
“Been together 5 years. About once a week,” offered another. “We aren’t super sexual but still have fun when we do it! Your normal is your normal. As long as you’re happy that’s fine!”
Another also said that once a week was just fine.
“Six years together and once a week. I like the frequency. It works well for both of us.”
It seems that the once-a–week was quite common for long-term couples. Maybe it becomes a weekend thing?
Still going for it
However, once a week is by no means the rule. Some guys still seem rampant for one another.
“In a 30-year relationship and we have sex about 3 to 4 times a week. No lie,” said one guy, before pointing to one method of support. “Cialis [also known as Tadalafil] has been a big help. Even if you don’t necessarily have any erectile issues it can cause you to desire sex significantly and you’re always ready to go. Lol. It’s been a major game changer in our relationship.”
Another said, “After 9 years (monogamous, no sex outside) 3 to 4 times a week non-penetrative + usually a time for anal. Every day when we are on vacation. Talk with him to find the pace that can satisfy both of you.”
Another man with a seemingly high libido said, “My partner and I have been together for ten years. Sex is every day, sometimes twice a day (unless we both are super tired). We had our ups and downs, but that’s the situation now. I guess every couple is different, but if you are the one who initiates sex all/most of the time, I would talk to him – because there might be an issue on his side, and I would also consider couples/sex therapy. Therapy does help, and you might discover a lot of interesting stuff about each other.”
No sex
Some said they had little to no sex.
“I think I got a bl*w j*b about 3 years ago,” said one man who’d been with his partner 28 years. He said he and his other half still kissed and cuddled.
Many noted that the frequency of sex can depend on circumstances, such as how much you’re working, or how tired you are. Sex was more likely on special occasions or vacations. But the main point that many wanted to get across was that communication is very important.
“Been with my husband seven years. He has a higher sex drive than I do. It was an issue for us at one point. He would be upset that he had to initiate. We communicated and worked things out,” said one contributor. He goes on to detail how they bought toys and explored their sexuality together with visits to bathhouses, etc.
“I struggled at some point with some of his kink, but opened up to it and participate more. That was a growing experience for us. Communication is key.”
No such thing as “normal”
Although it’s always interesting to learn about the sex lives of others, the most-liked comment reminded the original poster not to spend too much time comparing his relationship to others.
“Every couple is different, just talk to him about it if you’re unsatisfied. It doesn’t matter what’s normal for other couples.”
The OP later added an update to thank everyone for their answers.
“Thank YOU ALL for all responses. It really helped me a lot and now I know … that’s normal. Love to everyone.”
Related*
Is this the worst sort of message to receive after a Grindr hookup?
And how would YOU respond?
It’s official: Gay men hate it if you do this in a darkroom
It’s called anonymous sex for a reason….
Cozmo2
Yes I think it’s normal, my husband and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. And we don’t back door each other anymore. We just do oral twice a week and we’re pretty satisfied with that. Now we’ve talked about it and it works for us. We love each other and we’re happy in our relationship. So do what works for you and your relationship