Youth doesn’t have to be wasted on the young—as long as the young heed their elders!
“Listen to older gays around you, even if they’re annoying,” one Reddit user wrote recently. “I sure did in my younger days, and they always had the best advice and stories.”
That comment came in a larger discussion about the lessons r/AskGayMen users would teach younger gays, and many other commenters had hard-earned wisdom to share.
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Here are some (slightly edited) responses from the thread:
“Being gay is only a small part of who you are, not a personality in and of itself. If you’re a gay guy who is the walking embodiment of the campy, feminine stereotype, it’s fine. Same if you’re the very antithesis of it. Be yourself and f*ck the rest. And this goes for everybody, really: Stay the f*ck away from social media. Trying to copy the glitzy, life-is-a-dream-type influencers will rot your brain.”
“Life isn’t a race. Only you know when the right time is to come out. There is no such thing as safe sex, only safer sex—test regularly. You don’t owe anybody sex, and you are allowed to change your mind at any point. F*ck shame. Men like receiving flowers. It’s OK to grieve a period of time you felt like you lost due to being in the closet. Just because you aren’t someone’s type, it doesn’t mean you are unattractive—all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Be kind to yourself and others. Be unapologetically you—there is only one of you in the world. Look after your Pokémon cards; they could be worth something in the future. (This one’s more so for younger me.) Just a few that came to mind, all the best!”
“Deciding you are gay does not mark the end to life’s important questions. Keep thinking, keep learning, keep questioning, keep growing.”
“Be kinder to yourself and stop harshly judging your peers.”
“In that animated show, one older gay said to a young gay that having an attitude isn’t a personality, or some such. Neither is being tall or big or muscly or conventionally attractive. I’ve found anyone who makes these things cornerstones of their personalities tends to be a bit dull, to be honest.”
“When it comes to being gay, I would never change it for the world. Being gay is a blessing. Find your truth within yourself, and you will find your power. When it comes to dating, don’t rush into things, but don’t wait for the perfect guy because he’s never gonna come, so give guys who may lack a thing or two you want a chance. Once you land a guy, communicate. Practice communication and honesty with yourself and others.”
“You’re probably not going to marry the first guy you date. That’s OK, and it’s not lost time. It should be a fun and memorable growth experience, not a plan to put a ring on it. Never date because you’re lonely. Date because you want to share your life with someone. It’s fine to sleep around, explore kinks, and be a slut if it makes you happy, but try not to do these things to fill a void or push off other deeper feelings and issues you don’t want to deal with. Don’t let alcohol and drugs take over your life, especially meth. I don’t even care what other drugs you try or do; just don’t touch meth, full stop. Take care of your body. Don’t eat too much junk, work out, run, keep your body active. Old age catches up quickly, and the more time and effort you put in while young, the more thankful you’ll be later. Your insecurities are someone else’s turn-on. You’re not perfect. Embrace it. Understand that Reddit is a bubble, and there are a lot of keyboard warriors who love to judge and dictate other’s lives. Be smart and be your own person. Observe the real world, and don’t rely on anonymous people on the internet to make decisions in your life. Your own experiences, guided by your intuition, are invaluable.”
Related*
What are the unspoken rules of being a gay guy?
“World domination meetings for the Gay Agenda is on Thursdays.”
“Don’t be a people pleaser. A lot of us grow up conditioned to be the type of person who tries to find acceptance in others by being as pleasant as possible. Never standing up for yourself. Never letting people know when what they did inconvenienced you. Always going out of your way to make other people happy, even when it comes at great personal cost. But when you do this, even the best of people will take advantage of you. They might not want or mean to, but it’s a natural consequence of letting yourself be a pushover. Worst of all, you’re not even going to get the kind of acceptance you think you’re working for. You can be a kind and gentle person without being a people pleaser. Leave the submissive stuff to the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to ask for things to work in your favor. Don’t be afraid to let people know when they’ve crossed a line.”
“Learn how to honor and support the trans people who fought, the lesbians that cared, and the bis/pans that loved—many gay men got us this far, but we also had a f*ckload of support from elsewhere. Learn how to sign—there are deaf gays among us. Learn how to make gay friends—I grew up isolated and didn’t make a gay friend I felt safe with until 23, and that really damaged me.”
“FOMO isn’t real. You are stressing yourself out to impress people who don’t matter.”
“Protect yourself. PrEP, condoms, whatever—just do it.”
“Save money, and avoid credit card debt.”
Related*
The Old Gays reacting to Grindr tags might be the best thing you see all day
“Boy, you’ve met some weird people.”
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