Hi Jake,
I hate being uncircumcised. I’m the oldest of three boys and, for some inexplicable reason, I’m the only one that didn’t get the snip when I was born. It has always bothered me.
I thought I’d eventually grow out of it, but I’m now in my 30s and I’m still bothered by the way I look. I also don’t like the reactions I get from guys I hook up with. Rarely does anyone NOT comment on it. Some men fetishize my uncut penis, which I find mildly annoying. Others have expressed shock and even disgust the first time they see it, which has been damaging to my mental health.
How about we take this to the next level?
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I recently started seriously considering adult circumcision, but I’m worried about the risks. I know it’s a very painful procedure and you can sometimes suffer permanent reduction in sensation and even scarring. The last thing I want is a deformed dong! I’m really grappling with what to do.
Cutting to the Chase
Dear Cutting to the Chase,
No one likes to feel different, and if you’re being treated with bias because of some physical attribute you were born with, it can be frustrating… and, as you’ve noted, even affect your self-esteem.
When dissatisfaction with our physical appearance starts to impact our mental health, we have two options. We can either change our appearance, if the benefits outweigh the risks, or we can focus on fully embracing and loving ourselves, so that ultimately what we perceive as a “flaw” begins to lose its power, regardless of others people’s opinions.
As you point out, adult circumcision carries a whole range of risks and potential side effects, and could even leave you feeling worse about yourself than before. Which brings us to Option B…
As Queen Gaga sings in her LGBTQ+ anthem of self-acceptance, “I’m beautiful in my way, ’cause God makes no mistakes.” If by “God” she means the way that nature created the male body in all its glory, she’s right! Being uncircumcised is how we all came into this world and is therefore arguably more “natural” than being circumcised.
Biologists and cultural researchers generally agree that men are born with foreskin because it serves several evolutionary and biological purposes, including acting as a protective layer for the penis (keeping it clean and injury-free), adding to sexual sensation through a high concentration of nerve endings, and lubrication and comfort.
In other words, the removal of the foreskin through circumcision is largely a cultural practice rather than a biological one. In fact, circumcision was promoted in the U.S. in the late 1800s as part of the Victorian era’s concerns about hygiene and sexual morality, which are largely outdated and irrelevant today. Hit up some guys in Europe, and you’ll likely find yourself in the majority, as circumcision isn’t as common there—80% to 99% of men are uncircumcised, compared to only 20% to 40% in the U.S.
When a guy finds it “weird” or “gross,” it’s simply because that it’s unfamiliar to him due to societal norms, not because of any biological defect. In your case, you say you don’t like being uncut, but I wonder how much of that comes from the reactions that you’re getting from guys, rather than from inside you. A decision as extreme as surgery should be driven by personal fulfillment, not external pressures.
Of course, it’s completely fine for guys to have their preferences—everyone is entitled to what they like. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
Rather than internalizing the opinions of others, try to accept yourself as having something unique, that’s actually more organic to our natural form, not to mention more pleasurable. (Don’t forget all those extra nerve endings!) Instead of changing yourself to meet the needs of others, how about finding others who align with your needs, which is to find partners who appreciate your uniqueness and beauty?
You can certainly speak up for yourself and set boundaries if someone is offensive or rude, and not allow that person in your space. On the contrary, if you’re feeling fetishized and uncomfortable about that, you can remind that person you’re a whole human being, not just a penis.
So, sure, surgery is an option, but I tend to believe that what Gaga preaches is a much healthier approach. “Don’t hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you’re set!”
If anything, there’s more to you to love…
Ask Jake is our advice column by Queerty editor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Jake Myers. If you have a question for Jake, email [email protected], or contact him through his LGBTQ therapy platform.
correctio
why would anyone WANT to be circumcised? it’s a weird archaic practice that caught on in the US for dubious reasons…
Kangol2
He just needs to 1) find guys who have seen and have no issue with uncut d!cks (more common on some parts of the US than others, including New York, Florida, California, Texas, etc.) and/or 2) travel a bit, if he can, because in large swaths of the world–Latin America, the Caribbean, Europe, Asia–most men are uncut, except for religious reasons, and won’t blink an eye. Also, circumcision does allegedly lessen sensitivity, so he’ll be losing more than his foreskin if he gets the ship.
rikard_pearson
in my 60’s and uncut. lots more guys younger than me are uncut, so it is not as bizarre as it was 40 years ago. I find many more partners who are really excited by it, or have never played with one and very curious. the rare occasion it is unwelcome the guy still knew i was uncut and had seen pics. it is not something you surprise a partner with if you expect them to put it in their mouth. one guy asked me to wash it, then again, having washed it twice with soap while he waited (and before he came) i told him the problem was not with my penis. i sent him home. have the procedure if you like, but i have known at least 6 guys actively trying to restore theirs.
m
Just don’t.
GayEGO
I was circumcised when I was a baby so I had no decision to make as it was a good decision made by science back then.
MynameisSid
So I was 50 when I was circumcised, because of an infection in the foreskin caused by the chemo I was on. Yes it hurt, but not as much as some of the surgeries related to my cancer. I wish I could undo it! The sensitivity, amount of precum and pleasure have been been greatly diminished. Ultimately, you’ll make the right decision for yourself!
wikidBSTN
Why not simply tell the person that you are uncut before you decide to have sex??? Then there won’t be any “surprises”.
Ronbo
Mother nature created it and keeps making it. It’s arrogance to cut off such masterful work.
NGG
I have worked in Urology operating rooms as an aid for a surgeon for over a year. I’ve seen quite a number of penisses! Doctors are not quick to say “yes” to circumcision. You’ve received great advice from Jake. Most circucmcisions were because a guy’s forskin whould hardly come down the gland, or it was painful to bring down the forskin, or there was regular infection… That’s about it. After surgery, you sure don’t want to have an erection pulling on the stitches because it hurts like hell. If you don’t have any problems cited above, then accept your God-given beautiful penis. If one were to enlarge, expand his penis, would there be less skin? I wonder.
NGG
Love this suggestion!
eeebee333
That’s what I thought.
Louis
Being British, when circumcision isn’t really a thing unless it’s for religious reasons, I’ve never really understood why Americans get their kids snipped. And don’t cite hygiene because a clean one is a clean one; skin or no. There are SO many nerve endings in the skin and, as someone said above, it enables a copious amount of precum to flow. My brother got his snipped when he was in his 20s due to painful retraction and he said it’s just not the same as it was.
[email protected]
For some reason, my doctor decided just to snip my foreskin open leaving a ragged unexplainable mess behind. My first time was with a medical student, so I had to explain what was going on there. I’ve always been ashamed of it, but have no interest in changing it. Play the hand you’re dealt! I suspect there are lots of circumcision horror stories there.
LunaSol2010
Dear Man.
I was circumcised. And a medical doctor 20 years in practice. Cut so severely I was micro ripping skin every jo session before I had sex.
It was 22 before I found a simple X glans surgical tape 1/4″ system 12 hours a day minimum. In 18 months I had
Full coverage – flaccid only
Compete arousal to orgasm no micro tears
Safety in sex first time.
Able to play without pain
And
#1 the entire biosphere of my glans went to softer darker pink and 300x’s intense orgasms
Being cut made my head glans calloused. Seriously killing off nerve endings and deeply lessening sexual play, touch, arousal, intercourse, and my overall pleasure. I wish I had NEVER been cut.
Don’t do it.
Mistakes, over cutting, side effects, less intense orgasms and lower sensation just in touch and sharing touch with others is a very serious loss of pleasure.
People go ICK? WELL they are as extreme in their fetish for uncut as the guts you say fetishize your uncut member. Who cares what they think!?
Huron132
I had a friend who had his foreskin removed for a guy he had been with for 5 years. His partner was indifferent to the foreskin. He said it was so painful and was never truly happy he did it having it removed. Of course you can figure out that they broke up pretty much after he did it. So he did it for all the wrong reasons. Honestly he had the most beautiful penis I had ever seen. After he had the surgery the beauty of it was not the same. It was still beautiful but there was a scar. I think you do you. If you want to have it removed go for it. But if you do it for hookups then you are doing it for no reason. So you need to think about the why you are thinking about this. I wouldn’t do it, I would love to have foreskin, mine was removed at birth.
LifeinShaw
Snip it. One of my good friends and next door neighbor did it in his 20’s. He’s much happier now and says it did NOT change the sensation in any way.
winemaker
Ah cut or uncut, such a quandry. That said most if not all guys who make nasty comments about UNCUT guys are jealous of what they were robbed of without their consent and are manifesting their rage by being nasty to those lucky guys who weren’t circumcised. My partner and I are both UNCUT, love each other and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We were both born here in the USA, I’m part Irish, Alsatian French, Italian and Austrian with a bit of Spanish thrown in. Daniel my partner is part Danish, Italian, Irish and Scottish. We both consider ourselves lucky to have escaped some knife weilding doctor when we were both born. The FORESKIN is a natural body part and serves a function, to keep the penile head sensitive and protect it from abrasion. This nonsense that FORESKINS are dirty is pure BULLS**T. This is the 21st century and hot water and soap are available everywher these days and peeling back your foreskin when you shower is part of bathing, like washing your butt crack and behind your ears and a clean foreskin on a handsome man is one of life’s pleasures.. And to those guys who have a problem with FORESKINS; Screw ’em. they’re likely cut, jealous of what you have, will never experience the pleasure that a FORESKIN can give and not worth your time.
crannysauces24
Don’t share the same advice with certain segments of the community. Heavens to Betsy!
ml66uk
These are just some of the men circumcised as adults who regretted it:
Adult film star Rocco Siffredi (the “Italian Stallion”) called his decision “catastrophic” and that being intact “you can feel much more fun”.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2010/02/circumcision/rocco-siffredi-penis-circumcision
Adult film star Erik Rhodes
http://erikrhodes.tumblr.com/post/8492704035/hi-erik-have-you-lost-sensitivity-since-you-got
“So to answer the question, after getting all that out… yes i do regret it. I should have just looked for other options before letting some crazy a–hole take a knife to my d-ck and yes i have lost sensitivity. It’s just not the same.”
Regular guy Nick Kusturis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAHGFx95D80
“After the circumcision I felt nothing, no sensation at all. I knew something wasn’t right, but I just thought if I waited, everything would get back to normal. So I waited, I was in denial for the longest time. One day it just hit me that this was not going to change.”
Regular guy Ozzy Jimenez
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AaUb63NLLw
“Today’s video is about my experience getting a circumcision and why I regret it.”
Regular guy hbciba
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtN7JmMUfZE
“The old saying about the palm of your hand vs. the back is an understatement- the nerve endings in my foreskin gave me a completely different dimension of sensation, but now it’s gone. ”
Regular guy neptronix
“I was given the most extensive circumcision possible, and that left with me a penis that can’t really feel anything at all”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ea0qR3fGKo
Kim and Pang 2006 studied 255 men circumcised as adults and found that:
“About 6% answered that their sex lives improved, while 20% reported a worse sex life after circumcision.”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17155977
shademan78
The foreskin is an amazing work of natural art. I absolutely HATE that I was cut an an infant with no say in the matter. When I learned what the foreskin was and what I had lost against my will, I was p!ssed. I researched and discovered a number of “restoration” processes. I have been using non-surgical tugging techniques to try to restore some version of a foreskin for over 10 years now. I have restored about half coverage while flaccid, still no coverage while erect. However, there are thousands of nerve ending in a natural foreskin that I can never get back. I for one love and appreciate a fully intact and function foreskin. The guys you are with are the problem, not you. You need to seek out guys who will appreciate what you have and honor (even worship) it appropriately. Stop penile mutilation. End the barbaric practice of circumcision.
Israel Pattison
I have two book recommendations for Cutting to the Chase. The first is “Unspeakable Mutilations” by Lindsay R. Walton. It is a collection of personal stories from men who have had their penises circumcised.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Unspeakable-Mutilations-Circumcised-Men-Speak/dp/1495266575/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1413710382&sr=1-1&keywords=unspeakable+mutilations
The second is “A Is for Alex” by Lesley Roberts in which she tells the story of what happened to her son after his penis was circumcised as an adult for phimosis.
https://15square.org.uk/a-is-for-alex-by-lesley-roberts/
Louis
Thank you @Israel Pattison.
Whilst I completely agree with everyone taking umbrage with FGM, I’ve always asked why nobody cares about MGM. So many people don’t see circumcision as MGM but the definition of GM 100% applies to circumcision.
Because it is mutilation I think it should be banned on infants. They should have to consent to it as an adult.
No western government will do it due to fears of claims of Islamophobia or Antisemitism, but such a ban would be neither. There’s no negative prejudice to either religion in banning in. And western countries already go against other cultures in their legislation. FGM is a prime example. In some cultures and countries it’s legal and encouraged. In western countries we say “We don’t care about your cultures and rules, it’s deplorable so no!”. The exact same could be done for MGM: “With all due respect, it is mutilation and therefore we cannot permit it”.
inbama
How strange that we’re debating this.
A grown man deciding whether or not to get a circumcision is getting more blowback than if he were a teenager considering a penectomy .
NateOcean
Over the years, I’ve probably met a half-dozen men that for one reason or another were circumcised as an adult. Not a single one was happy afterwards about it afterwards.
storm45701
@inbama: Probably because it’s far more common (10-15% of all males per given calendar year; source: NIH) than the entirety of the trans population (0.5%; this includes teens and adults)
ddod
I’ve only known one man who I know was circumcised as an adult, so this is entirely anecdotal. This is NOT science or fact, just my friend’s experience.
He decided to get circumcised as an adult for personal reasons, nothing to do with health or safety. After the procedure, he got an infection that nearly cost him his entire penis. He was temporarily hospitalized, experienced a LOT of pain, and had to have a couple of follow-up procedures. He was ultimately fine, but it was a very scary period which could have turned out much worse for him.
I’m not saying I think one should or shouldn’t get circumcised, just that all the potential risks need to be considered. The circumcision in this case seems to be entirely elective. I support anyone doing whatever they feel will make them happy, but no decision should be made without considering all the facts.
HankHarris
Circumcision is genital mutilation. Anyone who reacts to your foreskin is the problem, not you.
Invader7
Don’t do it. Find MEN who like an uncut penis. The others forget them.
snpwm
Dear Cutting to the Chase,
DONT DO IT! DONT DO IT!! DONT DO IT!!!!!
I did it. Big mistake! Lost my wonderful sensation. Just make sure you super duper clean it. That is all! Listen to my advice, if you ever get to read it here. Thank you!
barryaksarben
You are not your penis. Im 68 never cared one way or the other if the guy I was with was cut or uncut it was the man attached to the penis I was interested in. BUT it is yours to do with it swat you want. My first lover had it done in his 20s and it wasn’t to awful except him not getting aroused til it healed. N to easy but he only had one incidence. My other lover was uncut and it was great sex. Of course you know b eater than anyone to keep it clean for health reasons. Good luck and good sex