Hi Jake,
My hairline has been receding the past couple of years. As a single gay man who isn’t even 30 yet, the last thing I want is to lose more of my hair, and be even less desirable on the dating scene. I finally decided to go to a doctor about it, and he prescribed me Propecia.
The problem is, I’ve been taking it for a few months now, and I’m noticing some sexual side effects. For one thing, I’m just not as horny, but also, my ability to have an erection has been affected. When I do finally climax, let’s just say I don’t produce nearly as much… evidence.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Now, I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s important to me that I keep up my looks and youth, since I like hooking up, but if I do that, I lose my edge in the bedroom.
What’s more important? Being physically viable in the gay community, or being physically virile??
Aged & Confused
Dear Aged & Confused,
It’s perfectly normal for a man to want to look and feel his best, not only to feel confident in his own skin, but to attract potential partners. Unfortunately, hair loss is something that many of us simply can’t avoid as we age.
As a gay man, that can be especially hard, considering there’s often an over-emphasis on appearances and youth in our community. I mean, do you know anyone over the age of 30 that actually uses their real age on Grindr? 🙂
That said, the power of modern medicine does give us some options to consider, to at least potentially stop hair-loss from escalating. Propecia, also known as Finasteride, is the most common, and was approved by the FDA to treat male pattern baldness in the mid ’90s. If trying something like that helps you feel confident, with minimal down-sides, then maybe there’s nothing wrong with that.
That said, some medications do have some unfavorable repercussions, and although they don’t impact everyone, Propecia has definitely been known to have some negative sexual and/or psychological effects. In the bedroom, it can cause decreased libido, erectile dysfunction, and decreased semen volume during ejaculation. Some also report mood changes, including depression and anxiety.
In your case, it seems like you’re noticing those side effects, so you’ll want to carefully consider how important thinning hair is to you, and weigh that against the loss of sexual prowess.
If you feel like you’re not enjoying sex as much as you used to, and that’s really important, maybe it’s worth going off the medication and working on accepting the natural aging process. On the other hand, if sex isn’t a huge priority in your life, maybe it’s okay to to keep up the medication for now.
Especially if we grew up feeling insecure or “less-than” because our sexuality, we sometimes rely too much on surface-level things to provide a sense of self-worth, including physical appearance. Having washboard abs, wrinkle-free skin, and yes…maintaining a thick head of luscious locks can create a certain level of “currency” in the gay community… but it’s worth considering the costs.
If the side effects from the medication are causing you distress, it’s probably not worth enduring that just to fit into some expectation around physical perfection in the gay world. The quality of your day-to-day life is more important, and impacts you more deeply than having a Matt Bomer-esque mane.
There’s obviously no one right answer for everyone, and it’s important to consult your doctor on these matters, first and foremost. But, if you do decide to stop the medication, know that you can still have a perfectly meaningful and happy life with some hair loss.
If you’re confident with yourself as a person, you can rock any look, including having a receding hairline, or even a shaved head. Aging doesn’t have to mean the end of the world (especially these days, when daddies are making a comeback!). Similarly, if you stay on the meds, you can certainly still be a great lover with a few hiccups below the belt.
Ultimately, it might be time to look inward, and decide what works best for you, rather than worrying about standards of acceptance. If you work on boosting your self-worth and confidence from within, that’s way sexier than any Grade-A tresses—because confidence doesn’t have to recede, even if your hairline does.
Ask Jake is our advice column by Queerty editor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Jake Myers. If you have a question for Jake, email [email protected], or contact him through his LGBTQ therapy platform.
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Chrisk
There are other methods. Usually when somebody experiences side effects they’ll just reduce the dosage or use it topically. That or use other anti-androgens besides finasteride.