The late author, poet and activist, Paul Monette, would have turned 79 yesterday. Monette was known for his writings about gay life and relationships. He died aged 49, on February 10, 1995, of AIDS-related illness.
Monette was born in Lawrence, Massachusetts. He graduated from Yale University in 1967. He went on to teach writing and literature at Milton Academy in Massachusetts. However, he relocated to West Hollywood in 1978 with his partner, lawyer Roger Horwitz. There, Monette began writing novels, often featuring gay characters.
He is best remembered for books he wrote later, in response to the AIDS epidemic. The best known of these is Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir. His 1992 memoir, Becoming a Man: Half a Life Story, detailed his life in the closet and meeting Horwitz. Adored by many readers, it won the 1992 National Book Award for Nonfiction. In it, he wrote movingly about the experience of coming out.
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“I can’t conceive the hidden life anymore, don’t think of it as life. When you finally come out, there’s a pain that stops, and you know it will never hurt like that again, no matter how much you lose or how bad you die.”
Horwitz died of AIDS in 1986 at age 41. Monette then met and became romantically involved with television producer Stephen Kolzak (casting director for the TV show Cheers). They were together for two years until Kolzak, too, died from AIDS-related illness in 1990.
At the time of his own death, Monette had been with a third partner, Winston Wilde, for five years.
Shortly before his passing, Monette set up the Monette-Horwitz Trust to commemorate his relationship with Roger Horwitz and to support future LGBTQ+ activism. It continues to bestow annual awards and scholarships to this day.
“Awe-inspiring”
Many people paid tribute to Monette on the anniversary of his birth.
In a posting on @TheAidsMemorial, a man who met him in 1989 at a launch event for one of Monette’s paperbacks remembers him fondly.
“I was hosting the paperback release party for BORROWED TIME (Paul’s detailed AIDS chronicle of caring for his dying lover, Roger Horwitz),” says Owen Keehnen.
“After Roger died of AIDS, Paul met a new lover, Stephen. By the time he was on this tour, his new lover, Stephen Kolzak, was extremely ill and had gone blind. Stephen lost his battle with AIDS in under a year.”
He remembers Monette as someone compelled to write.
“Paul was so prolific at this stage in his career. He was awe-inspiring. He told me that getting his AIDS diagnosis was like having this locomotive inside him. He could not stop. HE was driven! He had found his voice. He had a lot to say, and a need to get down every word. His deep love of the community fuelled him and extended beyond his lifespan. He knew his time was extremely limited, but he focussed on the bigger view and that made a big impression on me.
“The last time we spoke was a couple months before he died in 1995. He knew the end was near. He sounded tired. The fire was gone. By then he had said all that he could.
“If you haven’t – please read something of his. His work is brilliant, especially his nonfiction.”
“Immensely loyal”
Another friend of Monette’s, David Román, recalls, “Paul was immensely loyal to those he befriended. He was drawn to my commitment to his legacy and to AIDS awareness in general, and grateful for my efforts to make his work accessible to a younger queer generation.
“He was funny, smart, gossipy, flirtatious, curious — fully present in the moment, which is to say he was fully alive, except of course he was living with AIDS. He looked out for me, affirming my life choices in ways I very much needed at the time.
“He advised me about love, for example, and he emphatically supported my career and my decision to focus on AIDS and queer culture.
“I held Paul in high esteem; he was an important figure in my life and in the lives of so many others. I loved him for his passion and authenticity. I am grateful for our friendship, which has shaped me to be the person I am today.”
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