How many close straight male friends do you have? Are you wary of coming out to them because you fear it might change the way they treat you?
A question posted on Threads has prompted hundreds of responses, primarily from straight men regarding their friendships with gay guys.
User @justintycarey posted a question “for straight men who are generally LGBTQ accepting”:
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“If you meet a gay man, or a guy you find out is gay, are you opposed to being his friend or are you disappointed to find out he’s gay? I never know if straight men are down to be friends. They’re always so awkward.”
Post by @justintycareyView on Threads
“If you’re a good human, you’re my kind of human”
In less than 24 hours, the post has received over a thousand replies. It’s heartening to read that the majority of respondents generally do not care about someone’s sexuality and say friendship is based more on shared interests or values.
Here are some of the replies…
“Genuinely give zero f*cks. If we were cool before I knew, we’re cool after I know,” said one.
“Usually gay men align better with my worldviews than straight men in my area, so I would be thrilled to find a new friend who isn’t a blatant homophobe,” said another.
“Not at all [disappointed]. But then again I’ve worked in theatre for decades,” explained another guy. “One reason you may not be aware of as to why straight men can be awkward around gay guys is fear of being perceived as gay – not by them, but by violent homophobes. I’ve been beaten up several times (once quite badly) for talking to and/or standing up for gay friends.”
“I enjoy humans. Regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation,” added a fourth. “The only particular kind of people the world needs are good ones. And that’s about it. If you’re a good human, you’re my kind of human.”
“I’m a straight guy, and if I learn someone is LGBTQ+, I don’t feel disappointed – I feel happy. When I was younger, gay folks were generally very far in the closet and hiding. Like, Matthew Sheppard’s murder happened when I was young. When I meet someone who’s just themselves, I feel happy. There’s still more to do, I know. But it’s nice to just feel happy for people. If someone gets upset when they learn you’re gay, they don’t deserve to be your friend!”
Hitting on straight guys
Others said the issue of attraction had risen its head.
“I have several gay male friends. It’s never bothered me. And yes, one did come on to me once, I told him that made me uncomfortable. He stopped and we’re still friends,” said one.
“Doesn’t bother me,” said another. “I had gay friends growing up, went gay bars with them, and was propositioned by one or two on nights out. My 17-year-old daughter’s gay. You love who you love. It’s never made me uncomfortable. My mum had gay friends though so I guess I didn’t know to treat them any different. Not that they should be,” said someone else.
Another suggested potential attraction made things more of an issue.
“I have nothing against gay people. The problem is 9/10 I find out they’re gay cause they’re attracted to me and that makes things awkward. So I don’t end up friends with them, cause friendzonning them would be wrong.”
A third added, “It depends on the circumstances. Did I find out while we are in the hot tub and he wants to lick my toes? No, we can’t be friends. Did I find out in general conversation? Sure, friends no problem. Usually gay men don’t want to be my friends tho, as I’m not part of any LGBBQ and am not interested in talking about those things in deeper level.”
“Awkward”
Some responders were unsure about the original poster’s comments about straight men always being “awkward.”
“Truly straight men don’t give a sh*t [about befriending gay dudes]”, said one man. “The others are not sure about themselves. A lot of gay men are also uncomfortable around straight and unsure men. All men are awkward. Gay or straight.”
Another said that fear of saying the wrong thing can sometimes cause awkwardness.
“Someone’s sexuality is zero % of if I want to be friends with someone. I think the awkwardness comes from not wanting to offend in the current social climate. While we don’t care you’re gay we also have X number of years of being idiots who say stupid shit.”
There were hundreds more replies, almost all from straight guys saying they’d welcome having gay friends with whom they have something in common. Of course, the original question was aimed at “straight men who are generally accepting.” Let’s not pretend that all straight men are so unfazed by having friendships with gay dudes.
And many gay men have had experiences that may have left them feeling wary of coming out or presuming a straight man will be cool with them.
What we do know is that if someone snubs your friendship because of your sexuality, they are the ones missing out.
“Gay weddings are the best parties ever. This alone is a strong reason to have gay friends,” said one man, accurately.
Related*
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Is it just harmless fantasy or are unavailable men your thing?
Gay guys sound off on what they want straight bros to know
Class is in session.
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