Kristi Noem

Kristi Noem desperately wanted to become a MAGA queen. But the South Dakota governor’s efforts came at an incredible cost.

Namely, her political career. Noem boasted about shooting her puppy in her widely panned autobiography, only to find that nobody is down with dog killing, including MAGA Republicans.

In addition to animal cruelty, Noem thought a surefire way to ingratiate herself with Trump was going all-in on xenophobia. She’s sent her state’s national guard to the southern border three times since 2021, even though South Dakota is more than 1,700 miles from Mexico.

And her constituents keep footing the bill. South Dakota spent $2.7 million on those deployments through May, according to the state Department of Public Safety.

Now, Noem’s troop deployments are the subject of a $42,000 lawsuit. A non-profit submitted a FOIA request seeking documents related to the 2021 deployment, which Tennessee billionaire Willis Johnson was believed to have covered with a $1 million donation.

However, the documents show the mission cost the state an additional $500,000.

“The use of the private donation to activate the troops was widely covered in national media not only as unprecedented, but also unethical and legally dubious,” said the nonprofit in a statement.

Related*

Noem’s hardline immigration stance has caused her problems before. Earlier this year, the largest tribe in South Dakota barred Noem from its lands due to her extreme nativist rhetoric.

That’s right: the anti-governor was banned from stepping foot in areas of her home state.

Speaking of Noem’s homophobia, her relentless campaign against queer people also cost South Dakota $300,000 and an embarrassing apology. Back in February, the state was ordered to pay a transgender advocacy group $300,000 for wrongfully terminating a contract with the organization.

In four years as governor, Noem has used her platform to terrorize LGBTQ+ folx. She’s banned drag shows, outlawed gender-affirming care for minors, and created a “whistleblower hotline” that encourages the public to report anything “woke” happening at state colleges and universities.

Of course, Noem is far from the only Republican to lean into cruelty in their efforts to participate in photo ops at Mar-a-Lago. But her makeover hasn’t only been ideological.

It’s also been physical. Like many MAGA women before her, Noem has transformed herself into a wannabe Miss America.

“After Mr. Trump won the presidency and the MAGA movement took off, Ms. Noem adopted a new look,” wrote New York Times fashion writer Vanessa Friedman. “Her hair got longer and longer, with tousled waves kissed by the curling iron, her part moved to the center. She began to resemble a doppelgänger for Kimberly Guilfoyle, Donald Trump Jr.’s fiancée. Or a dark-haired version of Lara Trump, Eric Trump’s wife and the new co-chair of the Republican National Committee.”

Adding to the speculation, Noem starred in a bizarre infomercial for a Texas-based dentist office, which she says fixed her smile…

Her MAGA-ification complete, Noem embarked on a disastrous book tour in which she bragged about her inhumane treatment of animals.

In case you need a refresher, the publication of No Going Back in early May is widely believed to be what cost Noem her shot at being Trump’s #2. 

In the 272-page memoir, she wrote in graphic detail about the time she shot and killed a 14-month-old puppy in a gravel pit because it was “less than worthless” and she “hated” it.

While Noem spilled the beans on her dog killing, she apparently lied about meeting North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. Noem told a dramatic stale about meeting the “little tyrant” at the Korean DMV.

But her claim didn’t even pass muster for a news cycle. Experts immediately questioned Noem’s tale.

Syd Seiler, a former U.S. intelligence officer, told the AP it’s impossible that a congressional delegation could’ve met with Kim without significant news coverage… or him knowing. He worked at the White House and State Department over that time and was never notified of a meeting. 

“Nothing like this happened,” he said without equivocation.

While Noem is back campaigning for Trump (she’s long been rumored to be carrying on an affair with longtime Trump aide Corey Lewandowski, who just returned to the campaign), she’s been relegated to the background.

And the damage keeps getting billed out.

Related*

Sign up for the Queerty newsletter to stay on top of the hottest stories in LGBTQ+ entertainment, politics, and culture.

Help make sure LGBTQ+ stories are being told...

We can't rely on mainstream media to tell our stories. That's why we don't lock Queerty articles behind a paywall. Will you support our mission with a contribution today?

Once Monthly Annually

Cancel anytime · Proudly LGBTQ+ owned and operated