What is it that gets so many queer men hot for straight bros? With so many options on Grindr and Scruff, why bother with the Match.com and Tinder set?
That was the question on one Reddit user’s mind recently. “What’s the appeal with pursuing or sexually engaging with ‘straight’ men?” user Antique-Wishbone wrote in the r/gaybros subreddit on October 10. “Is it the challenge? Or the taboo effect?”
One top comment suggested straight chasers are chasing “an illusion of greater masculinity.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Subscribe to our newsletter for a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Another commenter agreed, saying such people “don’t want any hint of femininity or campiness, so they go for straight guys,” while a third commenter pointed to the internalized homophobia or misogyny that translates into femmephobia among gay men.
Another theory is that you straight chasers think “that you’re so desirable that a straight guy would experiment with his sexuality because of you,” as one Reddit user surmised.
(“I dislike being an experiment,” one commenter chimed in.)
Others suggested that we’ve been conditioned to expect hostility and hatred from straight men, and so we mistake kindness from straight men as something more.
“Straight guys being nice to you does not mean you have a chance; they’re just nice guys,” one commenter wrote. “I’ve been there but I am grown now to have wasteful crushes.”
Another person concurred, writing, “This definitely a factor. A lot of us haven’t had super positive interactions with straight guys, so if one is just really generally nice, some guys misread it as attraction rather than courtesy.”
Related*
A few Redditors suggested it’s a matter of probability. “I don’t pursue straight men, but most of the men I see day to day are straight, so it’s hard not to find them attractive,” one said.
Explained another: “The vast, vast, vast majority of guys are straight, so if you see a hot guy there is a good chance he is straight, so a lot of mild crushes are going to be on straight guys due to force of numbers.”
For several of the respondents, there’s nothing attractive about straight guys. “I don’t understand the motivation,” one wrote. “A straight guy might let you blow him but probably wouldn’t return the favor.”
Another person said, “When I was younger, it was attractive and unattractive men, [and] figuring out they were straight was like a crisis, haha. But now … it’s like there’s attractive gay men and unattractive men, and straight guys automatically switch to unattractive when I find out.”
But some guys say such attraction is natural. “I don’t pursue them (I’m not interested in persuading someone to fool around with me), but I do get some small (and probably problematic) thrill in catching a straight guy’s eye. It feels like you’re that hot to have attracted someone who’s not normally interested in what you’ve got to offer. In reality, probably, most of those guys were bi, already curious, gay and in denial, etc. But also, in reality, you won’t ever really know one way or the other, so to me it doesn’t hurt anybody to enjoy the attention, authentic or not.”
One Redditor confessed he gets the “chest flutters” when he daydreams of a real-life or even an imaginary straight guy. “I recognize it’s not a normal reaction to an idealized version of a guy that doesn’t exist, so I think it must be the idea of it,” he added. “Having something that you can never get, more or less. Humans are weird. … it’s a healthy thing to try and untangle these kinda things, in my opinion. It can help with personal growth.”
Someone else, meanwhile—a user who identified himself as 60—said that you can have much more fulfilling fun pursuing masculine gays instead of straight (or straight-ish) guys.
“Early on I would occasionally run across straight-ish guys experimenting—this usually didn’t end well, sometimes due to them not being able to accept the gay interaction or just awkward unfulfilling sex,” he recalled.
“I soon realized that there were masculine gay men out there that knew what they wanted and were good at sex—so that’s what I stuck to for the better part of my life. … I don’t have problems with men who are effeminate men or guys that don’t really pass for straight; most of my gay friends fall into that category. But sexual attraction definitely leads me to masculine gay men.”
Note: Responses have been edited for readability, grammar, and length.
Related*
Gay dudes recount the most desperate things they’ve done for the affection of straight guys
Desperate crushes call for desperate measures, apparently!
Sign up for the Queerty newsletter to stay on top of the hottest stories in LGBTQ+ entertainment, politics, and culture.
Mike
Why is everyone complicating it? It’s just a fantasy.
50 50
Pretty sure for me, it’s just because I grew up around normal-ish, nice-ish, straight guys until at least my 20s, and they’re the imprint of what I think is sexy. Likewise, certain ethnic mixes were around me at that time.